Looking Beyond Problems and Trusting the Process

The universe can seem to hand you problems just when you least expect or desire them. 

Life has a funny way of throwing unexpected curveballs our way & more often than not, it's easy to perceive these situations as happening against us rather than for us.

We've all been there - those moments when everything seems to be going awry & it feels like the universe is conspiring against us!

Here's the thing; sometimes, these stumbling blocks are actually the very experiences we need in order to grow and achieve our goals... even though it isn't always easy to embrace them in the heat of the moment.

Instead, we can get caught up in questioning the fairness of it all or getting swept away by frustration & disappointment.

In moments like these, the common advice of being grateful for what we have can fall on deaf ears. In fact, it can be annoying... the opposite of what it's intended for.

It's not that appreciating what you have isn't important - it is, & it has its role to play in shaping our perspectives. When things don't go as planned, summoning gratitude alone is pointless if you don't actually feel it!

There is something else we can do, something that helps us navigate these challenging moments & find solace amidst the chaos. It's the Burnt Toast Theory!

The Burnt Toast Theory is all about finding a different perspective when life serves you an unexpected, less-than-ideal slice.

When you accidentally burn a slice of toast, it may seem like a minor inconvenience or a frustrating mishap at first. However, this imperfect piece may be the very thing that you're asking... you just can't see it yet! 

In this episode, I share my take on the theory with practical ways to apply it when you need it most.

Time to turn around those setbacks & start to see them as our opportunity to trust the process, surrender control & welcome the unexpected.

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Transcript

Sian: 0:26

Hey and welcome to the podcast. Now today I want to speak about the saying that everything is happening for us rather than happening to us. Because when you're in the thick of it, when things are not going as planned, this saying can really test you. Now, this was actually inspired by a friend of mine who was in the process of moving house and buying a new house and things are not going as well, or that's how it seems. There are buyers falling through, it's costing money, the house that they want is no longer available, so all of the things. Also, I have some family members who were flying over to America this week, and without going into the details, basically didn't work out, they didn't make their flight and so they ended up. Paying for another flight, they were delayed by a couple of days. So in both of these situations, the normal response is that's rubbish. How terrible, things not going well, what an inconvenience. when you're in these situations, many people may tell you to be grateful for what you have. So, whilst things aren't going as you would like, you still have a home. You have the money to change a flight. You still have your health, your family. And this is all very true. Yet when you're in it, when you're going through it, when you're at the estate agents, when you're at the airport, and things haven't gone as you thought they would, to be grateful for what you have can be, it's like, it's too big a jump in the moment, it's like, I'm experiencing the problem. So whilst I know this may well all be happening for me, that's not my experience of this very moment. So today I want to share with you how you can take that idea that things are happening for us and actually implement it in your life. So it begins to shift the way that you think, shift the way that you feel, and then get on board that maybe there's something way bigger going on that you don't have access to yet. So let's go through how to do that then. Well, if you think about problems or things not working out. as you plan them to, as almost having like a frame around them. For a problem to exist, it has to have this boundary around it. That boundary is how you know that you've created it as being separate from everything else in your mind. So you put a frame around it, almost like if you imagine a picture frame, and the problem exists within that frame. Now here's the thing when it comes to problems. When you're in the frame, You can't see outside of it, and this is why saying, Oh, I should just be grateful for what I do have doesn't always work because you're in the frame, so you aren't able to see all of the wonderful positive things that are outside of that frame. If you're in the frame of this house has fallen through, this flight hasn't gone as planned, then the other houses that are available, the house that you currently live in, your family, your friends, your health, all of those wonderful things. They're outside of the frame, and that's not where your brain is in that moment. So the question is then, how can you step outside of the frame so you do have access to those things and you're able to see what else may be going on? Well, the other day I saw a post from Lewis Howes, which I think is a, a wonderful way of reframing those events, those situations, the experiences that we have very quickly and when you're in them. So I'm going to read the post to you and then elaborate on it slightly. Okay, so here's the post. When things don't go your way, the burnt toast theory. The burnt toast theory suggests that life's minor inconveniences might actually be serving a purpose or protecting you from something. Essentially, if you burn your toast in the morning... Something challenging happens. The time you spend making another slice may have saved you from a car accident or something bad happening. Or maybe it causes you to be late for a meeting, but as you stroll in you cross paths with someone who will become incredibly meaningful in your life that you wouldn't have met otherwise. It's kind of like the universe always has your back. This concept can be particularly comforting when facing setbacks too. Didn't get that job you wanted? Have faith in the process. Everything happens for a reason. Something even better is on its way. So that is the burnt toast theory. Now, after reading this, I thought, what if we were to take that approach with everything that seemingly doesn't go in the way that we wanted it to? Those challenges, those irritating moments, those frustrating times. And what if we looked at them as a potential burnt toast moment? Maybe just considering, what did I avoid by burning the toast? By things not going as I thought they should've, or would've, or planned for? And what did I gain by things going the way that they did? See, when we're in those moments, it's easy to kind of shut down, put the blinkers on, and think that nothing good has come from this. But what if those events happening are the very thing that lead to the interaction, the meeting, the thought, the idea that creates the path to exactly what you want? So here are some questions to ask yourself in those very moments. What happened? What did I gain from this? What did I learn? Now it could be something physical, as in I physically met somebody or I physically had an experience. It could be a lesson, so there could be a lesson in patience, in kindness, in being adaptable. Maybe a lesson that will serve you in something much greater further down the line. The very lesson that you need to learn in order to achieve what you want. Then ask yourself, what didn't happen? What did I lose because of it? Something positive. As an example, it could be that in the process, you lost the need for certainty, that need for thinking that things have to go a certain way for you to be okay, because then it happened, they didn't go as planned, and you survived, you were okay, you were safe. Maybe it gives you that ability to step back and appreciate that we don't have all the answers because it could be that the particular flight, the particular house wasn't going to work out. Yet from our limited perception, we can't see that. So it's about almost zooming out and considering what else could this be? What else might be going on that we don't have access to in this moment? We can only see things from our perspective, our version of reality in that moment and the new life, the new things that we want to create will require a different perspective. So these seemingly bad events or unwanted experiences may be giving us the opportunity to create that new perspective, the very thing that we need to tap into. Our job is to allow that to happen. And you can do that by asking yourself, what if this is a burnt toast moment? What if this is my opportunity to get some better bread? And hey, it may not be that that's the case at all, but how much better are you going to feel in the moment if that's the approach that you take? adopting The burnt toast mentality, will support you in surrendering to that process and trusting that there's something bigger than you that's guiding you so that you can let go of that control. Trying to control something when there is this universal energy that has so much more power, so much more information than we could ever have, is a bit like stepping into a car for the first time. For your first driving lesson and saying to your instructor, do you know what? I don't need you. I can work it out myself. I've read a book. I've seen my parents do it. I've watched a video on YouTube. I've been in a simulator. I can work this out myself and. Maybe you can, but here's the thing. Either way, you're in the driving seat and it's going to take a lot more time, energy and effort when it could be so much easier if you would let yourself trust in the driving instructor to guide you. The universe is the same. Allow yourself to have that trust and think about, is this a burnt toast moment? Is this exactly what is meant to be happening for me to get where it is that I want to be? So, I hope you found that useful, I hope you had some positive takeaways and maybe it's reframed the way that you're thinking about things that maybe aren't going as planned. So, my friends, have an amazing week, I'll see you next time.