From Old to Bold - Shedding and Up-Levelling Your Identity

The gut-wrenching pull to retreat just when things start looking up.

You're on the edge of something amazing, ready to hit the gas and then bam! You slam on the brakes.

Maybe it's a relationship blossoming, and suddenly you're retreating. Or that dream job lands in your lap, but you convince yourself you're not ready.

It's like the universe is handing you what you've been craving, only for you to push it away.

Here's the thing; you'll only receive what your nervous system is ready for. If you feel like you're about to short-circuit from feeling good overload, you'll unconsciously sabotage the good stuff before it even happens.

It's a universal story. But what can you do about it?

Join me this week as I take you through my own rollercoaster ride with self-doubt and all the emotions, digging deep into how they steer our choices. I peel back the layers of discomfort that come with shedding our old skin and embracing the shiny new us and how to stop sabotaging the very things we've been asking for.

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Transcript

Sian: 0:25

Hey and welcome to another episode of the Vibrant Mind Vibrant Life podcast. So what are we talking about today? Well Today, I want to talk about the, the moments of uncertainty that you, that we experience as people when we're transitioning, when we're going through a change, even if it's something that we want, the uncertainty that can present itself, the feeling of discomfort, what you could call fear that comes up in the moments where the very things that you ask for are presenting themselves. They're about to happen. They're about to take shape in this. physical world and even though you want them in those moments it can be that kind of critical point of oh my god this is too much and almost resisting it pushing it away even though you want it it's like am i really ready can i really handle this And the reason that I decided to talk about this specific thing is because it's something that I'm going through at the moment, it's something that I know that I've been through in the past, and it's something that I know many of my clients have experienced, people that I know, conversations that I'm having, and it's, it's really real. And those moments can lead to maybe questioning yourself. Am I really capable of doing the things that I have to do or being the person I have to be? Am I capable of taking on what it is that I've said that I want? Am I able to deliver, um, am I able to hold myself up to that standard? Um, am I able to commit in the way that I said that I would? So I thought it'd be useful to kind of talk about that and ways that you can navigate it and share with you what it is that I'm doing myself at the moment to, to get through that very, very process. Now I'm going to talk about this in general terms, rather than the specific things that I'm navigating at the moment, which I will share with you in a later podcast. There's some changes going on. They're not major, I'm going to be honest with you. They're not huge changes. Yeah, that in and of itself is kind of a really important point that changes don't have to be these big, massive life changing events. They can be, Yeah, even the smaller changes can still have an impact, there can still be uncertainty, And telling yourself that you shouldn't feel this way, that you should be able to navigate things, really doesn't help the situation, because our emotions are not rational. They are not logical. They come from our unconscious mind, and our unconscious mind isn't the logical, rational, reasoning, critical thinking mind. It's the emotional mind. So even if they don't make sense, and even if you can put up a good argument for why you shouldn't feel that way, you've got to honour how you feel, because you feel how you feel, and that is information about what may be going on for you internally, and what it is that you need to work on and resolve to get out the other end, to be able to break through that obstacle, to overcome it, and to grow in the process. Now before I give you a couple of examples to bring this life, I think it's important to mention that the, the thing about this is whenever you're calling in something new, whenever you desire, to create something new. It usually, in the process, involves becoming a new person. So, stepping into a new identity. And in order to step into a new identity, there has to be the shedding of the old identity. So, there's got to be some letting go, so that there's space energetically to become something else. That shedding process can feel like this. quite painful. It's like a bit of a grieving process of the person that you were. Even if that person wasn't serving you, it's what was known. It's who you've maybe been for quite some time. And just like a relationship, if you think about relationships that maybe you didn't even want to be in, yet letting it go was a whole transition. It's a whole shift. It's a change in Circumstances, life, maybe the, the environment that you spend your time in the, the way that you hang out, as in you're doing different activities, you're meeting with different people. So shedding something, even when it's unwanted can be a really uncomfortable process. So I encourage you that whenever you're going through change to give yourself a bit of space to do that, to give yourself grace, knowing that even if it isn't what you want, letting go of it can sometimes feel scary, because It's familiar, and even though it isn't what you want, and you know that deep down, familiar feels safe, it feels comfortable, and your unconscious mind's job, it's primary role is to protect you, to keep you safe, to prevent you from threat. So stepping outside of what's known into the unfamiliar, the unknown, well that's the key there. It's unknown. You don't know what it is, and that in and of itself can feel scary. Even if you know what it is that you're stepping into, you don't necessarily know how it's going to feel when you get there. You don't know what it's going to require of you to continue that momentum, because it's one thing achieving something once, but to be able to do it and repeat it time and time again, takes that consistency and being consistent as the new evolved person who is able to do that. So when you're going through the shedding process, it's okay to acknowledge it for what it is, and even grieve the person that you were if it feels good to do that because you're essentially saying goodbye to that person and that person has kept you safe for a long, long time. The person that you were has kept you safe. So instead of maybe reflecting on who you were as, you know, not being good enough, or the, the person that held you back, the beliefs that you held in that moment, it was all you. You are still you. It's just always the latest version of us operating from the limitations that we have in that moment. So even when we go on to something new, we still have limitations. We still have a limited perspective of what we're actually able to achieve. And you only have to look at your life and other people's lives to know that that's true, because the minute that you achieve something that you once thought was impossible, that becomes the new norm. That's the new normal to you, and it's like, of course I could do this. I could do this with my eyes closed. Yet, that wasn't the belief that you had in the past, and then it's the same for the future aspirations, the things that maybe in that moment seem completely unattainable. Roll forward the clock, collapse time, take you out into the future, And the same thing is happening. The cycle of life repeats. Things seem impossible until they're not. Yet when you're going through that process of impossibility to possibility, there is a transition. There is, there is a process. It can happen instantly. It can happen overnight. And it's all to do with really how much your nervous system is capable of handling. When these things come up, do you feel your system go into overdrive? The universe is only ever going to give you what you are able to handle. So if you go into overload, if your nervous system feels like it's gonna short circuit, the minute that these things become a possibility or more so a probability, then if you don't have the capacity to receive it, then it won't come into your experience and the reason being that your unconscious mind wants to keep you safe, it's only ever going to give you what you're ready for. So rather than focusing on maybe experiences where it didn't work out and beating yourself up because why didn't this come into my experience? You can begin to thank your unconscious mind for protecting you and then focus on and make the work about expanding your capacity to receive. Now I appreciate I've gone off on a complete tangent, so I'm going to give you some examples, as I referred to earlier, about where the uncertainty can come in and you can begin to question yourself. I'm going to share with you two examples. One is a probably everyday experience for people, and I'm sure that many people don't even think twice about it. So it's, it's what you could call not a big deal for a lot of people. For other people, it will be a really big deal. I'm making this sound far more exciting than it really is. The other example, uh, is a slightly bigger jump, yet still completely normal for some people, and some things that maybe other people would never even consider doing. So, I feel like I needed a drumroll for this now, I've really, really built it up. Ha ha! Uh, anyway, example number one. So a few years ago, I remember going to look at local gyms. I went to check out the local, the leisure center, which has been redone. It's very, very nice. Uh, the, the local pure gym, so your 24 hour fitness type thing and some of the gyms in between. And I joined one at the time and it was fine. I think it was a rolling monthly commitment, which I was happy to do. And what I really wanted was to join the local David Lloyd. But, at that time, David Lloyd felt a bit out of reach. It was a bit of a stretch financially. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, yet it wasn't my priority to spend the money that I had available to me on the gym. I didn't want to spend that much on a he Well, it's a health club, isn't it? Let's face it, David Lloyd's got a lot more going on. Yeah, that wasn't the priority for me, with everything else that I was choosing to spend my money on, that wasn't high enough in my values as being worth the money. It was, you know, I could get my exercise elsewhere, which is really what I wanted the gym for. So where I stood in that place, I wasn't the kind of person that just joined David Lloyd for the fun of it, because I could. Roll forward the clock a couple of years, and I made the decision that I wanted to be a member of David Lloyd. I decided that that was important enough to me, and I wanted to be the person who would just kind of join David Lloyd, because they could. And so I headed on down to David Lloyd, I had the tour, I had a look around, and I really wanted to be a member. Now, in that moment, even though I knew that I wanted it, it was at the higher end of my budget for what I was prepared to pay. Yet, I decided I wanted to be a member of David Lloyd. And if I'm honest, it wasn't really about joining David Lloyd per se. It was more about, I am the kind of person that does this. That's who I am as a person. I am somebody that joins David Lloyd because I want to. Now, even though I could have rationalised my way into it, in that, you know, I work from home a lot, so, joining David Lloyd will give me somewhere else to go and work, the truth was, it wasn't about the rationale. It was about Who am I as a person? And is this something that I am willing to commit to? Because I was deciding to go for a 12 month membership. So it was a commitment. It wasn't just, Can I do this for a month? Can I be that person for a month? Or maybe two months or three months. It was the decision to say, this is who I am. I'm going to be this person that commits to this monthly amount, that shows up to this gym for 12 months minimum. So no dropping off like I could with the monthly memberships where I'd show up and, hey, well, you know, it's only 20 quid, who cares? So it was more of a commitment and it was more about, is that who I am as a person? Am I able to show up consistently as the person who does that? And whilst this may sound ridiculous to many, many people, in that moment, in the moment of signing the contract and committing to that monthly membership, I had a real internal wobble. I had the voices come up like, oh, should you be doing this? You know, there's other things that you could probably spend your money on. Is it worth it? Why not just go to the pure gym? That would be fine. And I started almost talking myself out of it. In that moment, I allowed myself to pause for a minute. So I didn't just dive in and sign and I didn't walk out and not sign. I instead just took a moment to breathe. Because the first thing that changes when you're in any kind of state of stress is the rate of your breathing. Your breathing rate tends to increase. So I gave myself a minute to just take a few deep breaths and ground myself back in the present moment. and recognize it for what it was. So I recognize this is just a bit of uncertainty. This is me letting go of the identity of Sian who maybe buys the cheaper stuff because that's what old Sian did. She bought the cheapest she could find because it was cheap. And even if there were things that I didn't like about it, it was like, I'll just settle for that rather than actually going for what it is that I wanted. And I wanted the David Lloyd membership. So I had to let go you. of Sian of Previous, and that felt really uncomfortable because Sian of Previous in many different versions had been around for a while, and I knew that I had to allow that version of me to go to step into the new version, and it felt scary. Now I did mention for many people, that may not be a big thing at all. And it's really less about the gym, because we all have our own version of the gym. No matter how big or small it may be in comparison to other people, we have our own version of that. And that's important to keep in mind as well, This isn't about comparing yourself with other people and what they feel capable of doing, what they have the capacity to receive and allow in and let go of. Because we're all on our own journey, and even in that circumstance, there may be somebody who thinks, David Lloyd, yeah, of course, I'll join that. It's a nothing. Yeah, there may be something that I find easy to do that that same person would really struggle with. So we're all on our own journeys, and that's important to always keep in mind. So that is example number one. Let me now share another example with you in a different context, which is to do with business. Now for many years I have been self employed in many different capacities, And that includes self employment and businesses, where I've made pretty much little to no money. Weaved in there was employment, where I was paid more handsomely. and then self employment again. So there's been a real kind of journey going on, where I've essentially been my own boss for quite a while. And one of the things that I really wanted to do, being on my own, as a woman in business, was to interact with other women, to be part of a community, a mastermind, to be able to bounce my ideas around, to get feedback. And I'd been looking at other women and thinking, I wish that could be me. I wish I could do that. But oh, you know, that, that's not where I'm at yet. That's not who I am. And then I realized, hang on a moment, hang on a moment. What is this identity that I've chosen to take on and believe to be true? So I decided it was time to up my game. It was time to become the woman that does join a mastermind. The woman that is able to do that. The woman that takes her business seriously. So I made the choice to invest in a mastermind, which came with a financial commitment and whilst I have taken many programs in the past, and I've spent thousands of pounds on different courses and personal development. Some I got a lot from, others I recognize now that I joined predominantly through FIA and looking for the answers outside of me. Yeah, that's a story for another podcast. Uh, anyway, I decided that it was time to commit what was more than I was used to paying for any kind of program. So I made that decision. And as I was looking at the contract, getting ready to sign up for this mastermind, you betcha what would show up. But the, that wobbly version of me, it was, am I ready? Do I need this? And I had all those questions flying around my head. I had all the feelings come up again of uncertainty, even though I knew it was something I could do. It was like, am I actually the kind of person that does this, that makes that commitment, that takes that chunk of money and uses it on this kind of thing without any certainty of the end result? Is it going to work? Am I going to enjoy it? So there was no guarantee of what I was going to get at the end of it and whether I was going to be able to sustain that level. So again, that, that feeling of being uncomfortable with the decision that I was making, even though I knew that it was time to make some kind of a commitment to me, to invest in me. And that was really what got me through it, is that I wasn't looking at it as, is it, you know, should I take this thing or not? Should I join this thing or not? It was about the investment that I was making in myself, and the commitment that I made to myself. And that was what changed everything. By me committing to me, I was showing that I believed that I was somebody that could go and do whatever I had to do I was showing that I believed in me. I was making the commitment to my own development, to my own business, knowing that I'm in this for the long haul. So however it turns out, I'm going to learn something. I'm going to gain something. I'm probably going to lose something. And either way, I'm gonna come away with exactly what I need from it. Even if it may not be what I I I think it is that I need or want, I'm gonna get what I need from this experience. So I made the decision to go ahead. And in that moment, I had a wobble. I had to let go of the version of me that could kind of opt out of stuff. You know, I could sign up to online courses, but if I didn't show up, well, nobody knew, nobody cared, there was nothing for me to do, so it didn't really matter. And then show up as a different version of me where, because it was a smaller group, it's like, if you're not there, it's noticeable. And Even though there were no consequences as such, I felt like it was my responsibility. I was taking responsibility for myself and for my own life. So that in and of itself required me to be a different person, to step up to the plate, to up level, to whatever label you want to give it. I had to become a new version of me and step into a new identity. And that is a process that I'm going through at the moment. So there's an expansion happening. I can feel it. I can feel it viscerally. I can feel it energetically and it's really exciting. And within that excitement, there are nerves, there is uncertainty. I feel really uncomfortable. And there are moments where I want to pull back. This is where I pull out all the tools in my toolkit, this is where I am using timeline therapy to release the limiting beliefs that present themselves. I'm using it to let go of the emotions, I'm using some other techniques that I've put together recently to assist me as much as possible to normalize the thing that I'm stepping into. To get my nervous system to the point that the, the new version of me is actually, it's who I am. So there is no uncertainty there. It's becoming internally certain in this external uncertainty. Which is really good to keep in mind because a lot of the time we can't do anything about external circumstances. What we can do is focus on our internal world and how we can best prepare ourselves to navigate whatever the external circumstances are. Now part of the process of timeline therapy is using your timeline to go back into the past when the emotions were first created, the root cause, or the limiting belief was created, and take a positive lesson from it that will help you in the future. And the reason that it works is because when you have a lesson, The events from the past then have meaning, and when they have meaning, your unconscious mind is able to let them go. It's only when we experience something and we can't find any meaning to it, it's almost like we hold on to it. So what was it all for then? Why did it even happen? So once you find the meaning, which often comes in the form of a lesson that is going to support you today and in the future, Then the emotion and the limiting belief can resolve with it. So anyway, during this process, I went back into the past to a limiting belief, which I can't actually remember what it was now. It's irrelevant. And the lesson that I had came in the form of a, it was a vision. I had this visual image come to mind. Now this is something that I've shared with a number of my clients and people that I've spoken with since and it's helped them so much to maybe understand a little bit of how they're feeling in the form of a visual representation. So I want to share it today because I think this is maybe something that you'll be able to relate to and appreciate in those moments when you're experiencing that resistance, that desire to maybe pull back to what's known and just revert to the old way of doing things, the old way of being, because it's comfortable, rather than continuing to move forward into the unknown, into the uncertainty. Now I should warn you that I'm going to get slightly graphic, but in a really beautiful way, so it's a really beautiful metaphor. Anyway, in this lesson, what came to mind was a visual of me being in my mum's womb. So I was in this nice, safe space. It was warm. It was comfortable. I felt really safe and protected. Then what happened is I could see myself going through the birth canal and things started to restrict. The space got smaller, I felt that resistance kick in. Now in that moment, what I wanted to do was pull back. It's like, oh, this feels like too much. I can't handle it. I'm going to go back where it's safe. I'm going to go into this, this womb. I'm going to stay put. And the message that landed in my unconscious mind, that was so clear, it was so loud, was to just relax, and keep going, and everything is on the other side. This is where you are born. And I felt it in that moment, I felt any resistance that I had melt away. And I realised that In those moments where we start to feel that resistance, there can be a tendency to either pull back and stay in the womb, which is comfortable, but it's not where life is. It's not expansion. It's not where anything's happening. Or try and force it. Try and force your way out into the world. Now, I haven't had children, yet the, the bits that I'm aware of, is if you're trying to push the baby out too soon, it isn't gonna work. It's just about allowing yourself to come into the world and the universe is like the mother doing the pushing for you. So it's supporting you in that process of going through. Through that resistance where the more you can relax, the easier it will be. And on the other side is where you are born or where you are reborn. And that is where everything is. That is where life is. That is where the expansion is. And if you just think about it energetically, the way that that opens you up and the things that are available when you come through the other side, that is everything, that is life, and all we have to do is go through that resistance, which can feel like such a big thing in the moment, yet holding that metaphor in mind, holding that analogy, keeping that visual, and just seeing it for what it is. Knowing that, right, this is where I am. I am in that birth canal right now. And I can revert back. But is that really what I want? Is that really what I want to achieve? Or am I going to give myself permission to start to trust God? The process to let go of this need for control, trying to control circumstances that are completely outside of my control, that need for certainty to know how it's going to happen. Can I just trust that like when a baby is born, the baby doesn't need to get involved. It's fully supported. It's job is to just focus on being the baby. Our job as people is to focus on ourselves and trust that everything else is going to deliver. The universe is going to deliver in ways that you couldn't even imagine. Now, You playing your part in that is you showing up. It's you doing the work. It's you working on those internal limitations, focusing on releasing those emotions that are stopping the nervous system from saying, this is okay, I'm ready to receive this. Whether it's a gym membership, a new car, starting a new relationship, stepping into a new business, moving home, moving area, having children, whatever the thing is where that resistance comes up, our job, It's to do the inner work and when we do the inner work and we shed that old skin and we step into that new identity this is when we feel able to do whatever action is necessary to get us to the goal, because we have the belief that we can. And when we have the belief that we can and that it will work, why wouldn't we? It's only when there's a limiting belief, when there's self doubt that, hey, can I even do this? And if I do do it, is it even going to work out? Then that's enough to stop anybody in their tracks. And keeping in mind at all times that no matter how much inner work you're doing, we are all people, we are all human, and we're all going to go through those moments, you know, whether it's what you would consider a small or a big breakthrough and the great thing is once you've passed through that resistance and you've come out the other side and you've had that rebirth, you've been born into a new skin, into a new identity, that then becomes normal and you have raised your expectations. You then have the capacity to receive more because You've become an expanded version of you and you feel capable of doing more things. Now I'm not talking doing as in hustle, you've got to do more, more action. It may be that you're able to do bigger things, things that you may have otherwise not even considered, maybe weren't even in your awareness because they were so out of reach. You're able to do them and when you're able to do more, you have more, you receive more. So it's a continual evolution of expanding and normalizing and expanding and normalizing and continually working on the things that could prevent that from happening, which is a continuous journey because no matter what you may think from where you are right now, in that, you know, if I have X, Y, Z, that's it. I'm done. I'll be made for life. You may feel like that right now because it's not something you're experiencing yet. When you get there, you can guarantee that would become normal, that would be your new normal, and so you would have the desire for more. Our unconscious mind is programmed to continually seek more, so you will never stop in your tracks and say, that's it, I'm done. Now knowing that, it's like, how can I make this journey the most uncomfortably comfortable as I'm navigating it. Getting excited about the expansion of me, because that's what it's really all about. It is that expansion of you as a person, and the external world is going to reflect that in many different ways. Whether it's in the form of clients, a gym membership, a new car, a new relationship, whatever. It's never about those things, it's always all about you. Now, one of the questions that you may be wondering is, Sian, that is all very well and good, but how do I expand my capacity to receive? How do I navigate that period of uncertainty? How do I work through those emotions? How do I, how do I shed that old identity? How do I become the new version of me whilst all of the external stuff is going on at the same time? now that is something that I want to support you with. I want to share with you tools, techniques, processes, understanding of yourself so that when those events arise, when you end up finding yourself going through any, any change, any challenges, any decisions that you have to make, be it forced or decisions that you want to make, but maybe you found yourself putting off. Any times that that uncertainty presents itself. I want to support you in maybe uncovering where is that uncertainty keeping you blocked, Where are those patterns, those beliefs that maybe you're not even aware of, that are preventing you from allowing yourself to go down that, that birth canal, to make it easy, rather than trying to, to push it or resist it. Or simultaneously doing both, so it's like you've got one foot on the accelerator, but the other one on the brakes. If that sounds like something that would be of value to you, Then I have something very exciting coming up. In, it's probably going to be a couple of months time because I'm navigating things outside of that and I want to be able to bring myself fully to what will be the Reflective Healer, and the reason it's the Reflective Healer is because the world is really a reflection of us, and the only way that we can really change the world outside of us is by changing us so we can use this reflection as feedback for what it is that we need to heal internally. The world is continually showing us, it's revealing to us, the very things that we need to heal in order to step into that new identity, to really reclaim our power because whether you believe it or not, you are so powerful. And it's about firstly, even recognizing that, and then releasing the layers upon layers of limitations that have been placed on you over the years, some consciously, but most unconsciously, letting them go so that you can truly know that power. If you want to find out more, drop me a message. I will be sharing more details in the socials and in the emails very soon. Yet, being the first cohort, it's going to be smaller than usual. It's going to be at a much lower price. So, if you are interested and you want to get the best deal, then now is the time to do that. As I mentioned, it's probably going to be a couple of months before the program begins. Yet, I do know what's going to be going through the program, and it's going to be very frickin exciting, let me tell you. I can't wait to hold the space for the amazing people that are going to be joining me, and if you want to be one of them, then drop me a message on Instagram, drop me an email, and just let me know. We can have a conversation, I can share more information with you. When I have that ready to go, uh, we can go from there. So I hope you found this episode useful as ever. I will keep you posted on the updates in my life as I'm working through them, now, what I will share with you is that in the next couple of months, I also have a very exciting in person event coming up, so I'll be telling you all about that. If you are in the UK, if you are somewhere near the kind of Midlands, slightly North kind of area, then you're going to want to know about this. I'll share that with you maybe next week. And for now, have an amazing day, have an amazing week, and I'll see you next time.