From Yo-Yo Dieting to Lasting Change: Mastering Motivation and Mindset

Health starts in your mind!

I had the pleasure of joining Petra Bland on her inspiring podcast, "Commit to Yourself with Petra Bland Fitness," and I’m thrilled to share our conversation with you.

Petra is passionate about helping people break through barriers to achieve sustainable weight loss and fitness. She knows the struggles first-hand and works with countless women facing similar challenges. Our discussion was rich with insights and practical advice that you will want to catch.

Petra posed some thought-provoking questions about the unconscious mechanisms behind our actions and how to stay motivated. We explored how our values shape decisions, the impact of childhood programming, and the crucial role of self-compassion. We also shared strategies for altering perceptions and understanding the roots of our behaviours to create lasting health and fitness improvements.

Here’s a sneak peek of what we covered:

• The Challenges of Dieting 
• Understanding the Comfort Zone
• The Role of the Unconscious Mind and Values
• Breaking Free from Yo-Yo Dieting
• Weekly Check-Ins and Staying on Track
• The Cycles of Motivation
• Setting Realistic Goals
• Adapting to Your Energy Levels
• Understanding Progress and Setbacks
• Negative Self-Talk and Its Impact
• Preparing for Low Motivation Periods
• The Power of Physiology
• The Law of Attraction and Belief Systems
• A Holistic Approach to Health and Fitness

Tune in for this enlightening conversation and discover how to use the power of your mind to achieve your health and fitness goals.

Connect with Petra - Instagram

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Transcript

0:01

Welcome to the Vibrant Mind, Vibrant Life podcast. I'm your host, Sian Hill. My mission is to help you become the best version of yourself and live a life you truly love. I'll be sharing with you inspiration and practical tips on how you can use your mind to unlock your potential and become the vibrant person you were born to be. Hello and welcome to the Vibrant Mind, Vibrant Life podcast. Now in today's episode we're going to be going off in a slightly different direction to usual. It's all about the mind still, yet we're taking it into the area of health and fitness, which isn't something that I speak about personally a lot. It's something that I enjoy, it's something that I practice, and I love the connection to the mind and how health really does start in the mind as well as the body. Now, I want to caveat this with the food that you eat, the exercise that you do, The habits that you carry out absolutely are essential for your well being. And there is also a lot more going on at play. Because the behaviours that you carry out, so whether they are healthy behaviours, whether they are wanted or unwanted behaviours, the action that you do or even do not take, are all comes from your unconscious mind, which is where your beliefs, your values, your memories, your personality, your attitude, everything that creates your response and interaction with the world outside of you leads to your behavior. And that is what this week's podcast is about. So this is actually a recording taken from an episode where I had the pleasure of being a guest on recently with the wonderful Petra Bland. Now her podcast is Commit to Yourself with Petra Bland Fitness and Petra is an expert in the field of health and fitness. no, Petra has been through and overcome her own struggles when it comes to health and fitness, And she's gone on to help many, many people break through their own barriers to create wellbeing and vitality in their own life through their nutrition, through their exercise, and also their mental and emotional wellbeing. So on her podcast episode, we dived into a lot of things. We were speaking about diet, motivation, the comfort zone, uh, the yo yo dieting, Working with your energy levels, negative self talk, the power of using your physiology, belief systems, we covered it all. And Petra asked some really thought provoking questions. So it's an absolute delight to be able to share it on here with you and there are some practical strategies and takeaways as well that you can implement straight away. Before you dive on in and enjoy all of that yumminess, I just wanted to remind you That the doors are open for my reflective alchemy program and this is the beta launch So you get it at an amazing price It's 12 weeks online with me where we're going to be diving in to uncover the hidden obstacles, the hidden beliefs, the things that are really blocking you from creating what it is that you want. Now you may have been practicing law of attraction, manifestation, releasing beliefs, maybe you've been doing all the affirmations, you've been doing the mindset stuff yet you find yourself in similar situations, maybe things shift a little bit but probably not in the way that you would like and you don't really know what it is that you need to resolve To be able to move forward this is something that I was experiencing myself. I was reading all the books, I was doing the study, I was spending thousands on the courses and learning everything, and gained a whole load of knowledge, and I was like, how does this get implemented? What is this missing thing that I'm not seeing? And it was by taking myself through this process, to not only reveal what What is it that's keeping me stuck, but then also be able to release it and embody the new version of me. And that's when things really started shifting. So during this program, I'm gonna be taking you through the process of revealing those hidden blocks. Those hidden barriers, and then share with you the modalities, the release work, the nervous system work, to be able to increase your capacity to receive, because here's the thing right, you may have desires, there may be things that you want, and consciously you know you want them, Yet, if at the unconscious level, they don't feel safe to receive, you are going to push them away. And even if you do receive them, you're going to sabotage them. Your unconscious mind runs your body. And if your body doesn't feel safe holding these things, then they will not stay in your experience. Let me give you an example that is something you can all possibly relate to, know of, have experienced yourself, to bring this to life. Think about the person who enters into a relationship. And the relationship starts to get Really good. Things are going well. They're happy. They're experiencing love and it's like this is really, really good and it's too much. Even though I want this relationship, even though it's what I've been asking for, it feels like too much to hold. And so they sabotage it. They ruin the relationship. They create drama and they don't know why they're doing it. It's because their nervous system, their unconscious mind, doesn't have the ability to receive it. So just wanting something isn't enough. There's a lot more to it. There's also other universal laws outside of the law of attraction which are super important when it comes to the creation of your reality. So, if this is sounding intriguing, then head to the link in the show notes to find out more. The program is going to be going up to 997, but for this program only, which has limited seats, it's going to be 397, payment options available as well, so you can spread the cost over three months, so it's really accessible. It's going to be a beautiful program incorporating abundance alchemy. We're going to be doing breath work. There's going to be workbooks, there's going to be Really powerful meditations, visualizations, hypnotherapy. And I'm going to be supporting you throughout the whole program. So if you're even a little bit curious, then I invite you to check it out. If it's something that resonates and you have questions, by all means, drop me a message. You can email me, you can contact me on Instagram I'm here to support you, and if it's not for you, that's okay as well. You are still welcome to ask questions. I will let you know if it's not the right thing for you or not the right thing for you right now. So either way get in touch and for now enjoy this week's episode and enjoy the summer. I will see you next week. Welcome to this episode. And today I am super, super excited because I've got a very special guest. So it's not just going to be me talking to you, but I've got a, I've got Sian Hill. Hi, Sian. How are you? I'm very good. Thank you. So I was just trying to think how we met, where we met. And I actually don't remember. Last year, definitely last year. And I must, I must have come across you on social media. And I loved what you had to say about mindsets, about comfort zone, pushing out of comfort zone and motivation. So I'm super excited to have Sian on the podcast today because she's going to be talking to us about all these topics. So Sian, um. Do you want to tell us a little bit about yourself? What is it you do? And how do you tell people, how do you help people? Yeah, absolutely. Um, so likewise here, I can't remember how we met. I think we interacted through social media to begin with, which is wonderful. It just shows that the world is like this big expanded place and we have access to so many people and things. Um, anyway, so. I've been a coach and a trainer of all things mindset, helping people to overcome the mental, the emotional things that keep them stuck so that they can essentially go on to achieve their goals and create a life that they love. Wasn't always the plan. It was only through my own life experience and feeling in a place where I was really stuck in all areas, so relationships, financially, career, health, everything was sticky and not what I wanted it to be. I was in a pretty bad place and started exploring how do I change my thinking so that I could change my life. change my life. And I went down the rabbit hole and started learning the various tools and techniques that I now use with my clients. And it transformed everything. And I realized that the external world really is a reflection of how we feel. about ourselves and what's going on internally. So that's been my passion ever since it didn't come out the womb thinking I'm going to be a coach. It's kind of fell into it. Right. Okay. Very, very, very exciting and inspiring, inspiring story. Definitely. So, um, so I'm a personal trainer, as you know, um, and, um, I help people to with their health and fitness goal, mainly with, uh, losing weight, try to move away from the dieting mindset, which I believe like the society has done, um, quite a lot of work in terms of conditioning women that we always have to be on a diet. And, uh, so I've, I'm on this mission to help people, women to move away from the dieting mindset. But actually help them to achieve their goal without feeling like they have to diet. So, um, and they, my clients come across lots of different challenges, lots of different barriers. And while the principle to lower body fat, um, can be simple to actually implement the habits and the new routine can be quite challenging. And this is where I felt, uh, you, you will be really a great guest for this podcast because when I listened to you for the very first time with its interview last, was it this year or last year? I can't remember now for my members only. So that podcast is in, in my membership where you just. Just showed a totally different perspective on why things can be hard. Why, even though we've got a vision and good intention, good intentions, why is it so hard to stay on the track that we clearly want? Um, so I'm really, really looking forward to this because I know you'll be able to help people understand. Potentially why things are happening the way they are and what they could potentially do to help them get off the fence and take that first step, which I know we know it's like, it's like the hardest one. And which kind of takes me to the first question. Um, why is the first step, let's say after years of being stuck in a cycle of dieting or losing weight and putting it back on I'm going back to the same places that have helped, you know, some people lose weight, but then they gain it back on. Why is it so hard to take the first step of actually trying something different, trying something you probably never heard of, because you always only have done this. And it has, delivered some results, but not sustainable results. So why is it so hard to take that first step, Sian? So there's, there's a few things that I want to unpack in that. Firstly, the, the thing that you landed on was it's something new and it's unknown and As people, we like to have that evidence that something works because it gives us certainty. So even when we're doing the things that haven't been working for us, they feel known, they feel familiar, they feel safe. And part of the, one of the main functions of our brain is to keep us safe. This is why stepping outside of what's comfortable Feels so fricking uncomfortable because even though we don't want it, within our body, within our physiology, we feel settled, we feel familiar, so we can relax in it, even if it's not what we want, we don't have to think about it, we don't have to process it as we're doing it, we can just, you know, um, carry out the habits without any thought, without any effort because it comes naturally to us. So, when something feels unknown, and there's no certainty in it, we start to have question marks around it, it plants that seed of doubt. Like, is this really going to work? It's never worked for me before. So it can feel like a lot of effort to go into something without any guarantee that you're going to come out the other end. with the results that you want. So there's that element, which leads me on to the comfort zone. People tend to make changes at the extremes. So if you imagine life as having this kind of, this area of comfort, sometimes you're at the lower end where feel things feel a little bit less comfortable. And then other times you feel really comfortable. Either side of that is the complete uncomfortable area and then the really comfortable. So if you think, most day to day, you're kind of pottering about doing, doing your thing, and you can function without any mental resources, without too much physical resources, this is just day to day, I can do things, they don't tax me. It's also what you could call mundane, as in, I can, you know, there's no effort required. I'm not stretching, I'm not growing, but equally, I'm not dying, so I'm just pottering along and life is okay. Where people tend to make changes at the extremes, when life gets really uncomfortable, as in it gets really bad. Now in terms of health, this could be when somebody has a health scare, and suddenly, it got bad, the problem got bad enough, That now I'm going to do something about it. This could be anything. It could be, you know, you're on the verge of type two diabetes. Your cholesterol's high. Your jeans don't fit you anymore. It could be that you go a whole season and come back to the jeans you were wearing last year, and you have that shock realization and feel really uncomfortable. And life gets bad enough that you think, Oh, it got painful enough that now I need to do something about it. Or the other extreme of that is when life gets really good. So maybe you have that sneak peek into what's possible. So, Uncertainty, the thing that you don't really know about, maybe you see a glimpse of somebody else that has achieved it and you think, ah, that is possible. Maybe that could be me too. Or you take a simple step and you get a little result. So you think, oh, there's something in this. So that excitement of wanting more of that propels you forward to go and do something about it and get off the fence. When people are existing in this kind of grey zone, this comfort zone, it's neither painful enough nor exciting enough. to move anything. So people will often wait for that extreme. My invitation is rather than waiting for something to get bad enough where you've then got to kind of do the mop up first, do the cleaning up before you create the sparkles. It's kind of right. I've spilled a bit of milk right now. Things aren't quite as I want it to be. Let's get on top of it whilst it's still going to be easier to do rather than waiting for the complete catastrophe. On top of that, there's also people's values. Now, your unconscious mind is responsible for 95 percent of what you do. So the, the thoughts, the beliefs Ifs, the habits, the behaviors, everything that you carry out is driven by your unconscious mind. And the key is in the word, the clue is in the word, it's unconscious. So you don't even know that you're doing it. You're running on autopilot. You just carry on with your everyday life. A conscious mind, which is the stuff that we're aware of, the, the thought about, Oh, shall I do this or not? That's the other 5 percent of the mind. Only 5%? Yes. Yeah. So 95 percent is unconscious. That is. The why we do what we do the how we do what we do. It all happens on an autopilot. It's the programs that we run in our mind. So if you think, you know, when you're a little baby. You come in kind of program free, and between the age of nought and seven, you don't have a conscious mind. You're just a little unconscious sponge, and you're absorbing the world around you, taking on the beliefs that are kindly and lovingly handed to you by your parents and grandparents and other people outside of you. This is what you believe to be true. This is what's important. This is how we do things. This is also where you learn behaviours like walking, talking, tying your shoelaces. So your mind just becomes programmed to think, feel, and act in a certain way, and you do it without any thought whatsoever. That becomes your reality. That creates the results that you have. The 5%, the conscious mind, that's the stuff that we're aware of in any moment. So us having this conversation now, we're aware that that's happening. The conscious mind's role is to decide what it is that you want. And when you want it that it's the decision making machine, as in, I'm going to direct my focus. I'm going to give my unconscious mind a target to work towards your unconscious mind. Then does the heavy lifting when it comes to taking that first step. It's got to be important enough. And often the drive from the unconscious mind isn't there because it's not painful enough. So it's not, it's not become important enough because the. Emotions associated it, around it, they're not quite triggering in a way that has any impact in that moment. There's no short term consequence. So, you know, I could go for a run or I could sit and watch Netflix and have some chocolate. And tomorrow I'm not going to feel the impact of it. So I'll be all right. It's not important right now in this moment. So there's, there's multiple kind of things that can be going on, even down to the beliefs. If somebody has a belief that something isn't going to work, then even that in and of itself, it's like, if, if unconsciously you're saying this isn't going to work, where's the motivation to go and do it? So that, that, that answer may have gone kind of off in many different directions. It did, but rightly so. I made a few notes, uh, cause I'm, so I'm going to go off my notes and I'm just going to ask a little bit. Um, cause you mentioned values and I remember, I remember, I mean, if you, my daughter is eight now, I think. And if you asked me eight years ago, what my values are, I would be like, uh, What? I wouldn't know what values are. I had to do quite a lot of work on myself to help me understand what values are, and then actually dig really deep to help me move away from what I was, what I believed in. There you go. The belief, what I believed in where my values, when actually they were not my values. I make a couple of notes because I'm going to talk about myself. Um, I used to be a yo yo dieter and you mentioned quite a lot that's. about and correct me if that's wrong. Um, uh, it's the unconscious mind that makes, that creates the values and creates the, the choices. I believe when I was young, every woman around me was dieting and every woman around me was trying the best trend, the cabbage diet, this workout and so and so workout. And so would it be that when I then started my health and fitness journey, the autopilot went into, right, I'm going to diet now and I'm going to diet for eight weeks because that's what, that's what we do. We diet for eight weeks before holiday and then, and that's it. And then probably going to diet again next year before holiday again. So I suppose my question is, is it because I saw, and I was surrounded by women who were dieting that I then. adopted very similar approach or am I not seeing it right? Yeah, absolutely. So that can be between the age of nought and seven is where most of our core values are installed and they can, our values can change over time. So there can be significant emotional events, either what you would call positive or negative that can have an impact on what's important to us. So using your example, let's kind of bring this to life. Between, as you were young, you saw your mum and friends and everybody that imprinted that dieting is important. So you installed that value within you that, you know, whether it's weight, health, body image, whatever the value is, that that's important to you. And the chances are the driving force behind it is one that is a negative emotion. So it could be, for example, a fear of being overweight, guilt about eating certain foods or being a certain shape, sadness or hurt about what people would think. So all these negative emotions. And if drive that value, now the values are created, then what happens is I'm doing all the, this is on video, isn't it? Whatever I say, yeah. Translated without videos. So a value is created. Our values, they. serve three purposes. So they, first of all, give us the upfront motivation to go and take action. They then give us information. If somebody oversteps the mark, if somebody violates our values, we feel negative emotion to let us know, Oh, hang on a second. Somebody's violated my My space, that's not okay with me. This is important to me and they've crossed the line. And they also act as a reflective tool after the fact to say, you know, um, is what I did good or bad, wrong or right? So they're kind of an internal gauge about where we sit and how we feel and the actions that we take. Now that upfront motivation, so you've got something that's important to you like being thin, you know, being a certain body weight. So that drive to be thin motivates you to go and take action. So you think, right, uh, I've got this event coming up, it's painful enough, so this, this desire to be thin isn't where I want to be. And I know that in eight weeks I've got this bikini body that I want to fit into. So this negative emotion of, oh my gosh, like, I feel so bad. I don't feel good. I'm going to start taking action because this value here isn't being met and it feels painful. So I'm going to go to Zumba. I'm going to start eating cabbage. I'm going to do whatever the latest fad is and bit by bit by bit start losing weight, start and get into that bikini body till the point that The thing that drove you in the first place, the negative emotion, which might have been fear of being, of looking bad on the beach. You get so far away from it because you've lost enough weight that it no longer feels painful anymore. And you forget the reason why you started it in the first place. So, if you imagine The pain is over here. You walk away from it, bit by bit by bit, so it's no longer painful. And when it's no longer painful and you're far enough away from the motivation that kickstarted you in the first place, that's when you go, Do you know what? I'll have a glass of wine tonight. I deserve it. Oh, it won't hurt if I miss my run this week. So you start negotiating with yourself and the motivation isn't quite there because you've lost a few pounds and you feel good now. So, it's, the emotion that was driving it in the first place has gone. Until bit by bit by bit, the weight creeps back on and then you get back to the, oh my gosh, it's important to me to be thin. And I'm not as thin as I want to be, and it got painful, the emotions coming in, so then you kickstart the whole process, so you end up going backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, which is the pain pleasure, pain pleasure, it's, you know, as soon as it's not pain, painful anymore, it wears off, I'll work my way back. So, a lot of values. In fact, most values, unless you've done inner work, they're not your own, they were just kind of passed down to you. A lot of them are unconscious, in that you don't even realize that they're your values, and they're usually driven by what you don't want. Like, I don't want to be overweight, I don't want to be unhealthy, I don't want to experience X, Y, Z symptoms. They're all driven by the unwanted, which when you peel that back and look what's beneath it, there's usually a belief, a negative emotion, a conflict can be present in that, you know, I, I love my mom. So I feel like I should honor what she told me, but I don't believe it to be true. And it creates internal turmoil. So there can be a lot going on in the unconscious mind behind that value, but essentially whatever is important. It's just you you look to fulfill. Yeah. Which are your values. Yeah, and like You can always check in with your values, by the way. If you're like, I don't know what my values are, look how you spend your time, because it's not what you say that you're going to do what's important to you. If somebody says exercise is important to me, and they never exercise, you can guarantee exercise isn't important, even if they wish it was. If it was, you just, you slot it in without thinking, and that's the key, because it's unconscious. It happens on autopilot, so it could be, you know, if you've got a long day ahead, you think, oh, I'll wake up 15 minutes earlier and do a quick yoga session. You'll just find ways to do it, and it won't feel like a lot of effort. Because it's important. Yeah. And, um, I'm also feel so, so like, I feel great listening to this because I've got values in weekly check ins for my clients, uh, because life happens, doesn't it? And when life happens, we drift off. from our goals. And then if we drift away from our goals, then the value, we forget the values. And what you've said, it's exactly that, isn't it? Like then the further they are. So I do with my clients weekly and monthly check ins. And one of the first questions is, what, what are the values? So, and it then helps them to peel I like the way you said peel the layers. It helps them to unpick. Actually, so these are the values. So, and this is what I want to do. And this is what I did. So weekly check ins is to review back their week and, um, what they, my clients wanted to achieve that week. And it's, If it, it links to the values and this is what you, you've also said it, it has to be important enough. It has to dig really deep into, and this is where it's really important to move away from the short term. I want to fit into these genes because that is a short term, isn't it? And what made a lot of sense is like, as soon as you achieve it, then it's gone. Yeah. Where's the motivation? It's gone. Whereas if the value is health, happiness. longevity, there is no date to end the project because it's, you know, I feel my best if I fuel my body well, because I know if I eat far too long foods that are, you know, highly processed that I don't feel, you know, the energy from me is not good. I feel good when I exercise it and bins, the health values in terms of keeping fit and strong. And. Uh, so I am, I feel really good now listening to you because. it all comes down to the values. And once I've pinned down my values, which are like health, fitness, happiness, um, then it's, I don't, I'm not even going to say it's easier to stay on the track because there isn't a track. It's just what I do to help me fulfill the values. I said, is it fulfilling? Do you fulfill values? I'm not sure whether that's the right words, but you know, I used to diet. I'd say, My, my late teens, my twenties, most of my thirties. Now we're talking almost 20 years. That's just looking back at it. That's, that's crazy. And only when my daughter was born, I, I just realized that I've got to change things here because I'm saying things to myself that I don't want her to listen to doing stuff, hiding away from her. And I would be. I would be. Hide in a way eating foods. I don't want her, you know, I felt like if she sees me eating chocolate, then it's like, Oh, mommy's eating bad foods when, okay. You know, chocolate, you know, chocolate is chocolate. It's just chocolate. It's not good or bad. It's a little bit of chocolate. And I'm all about, um, everything in moderation and eating for health first. And then so you allow yourself the treat, but I've noticed patterns in that. didn't quite, I didn't like what I was doing, basically. I didn't want. her to see me with, with those habits in, but with that routine. So, yeah, so the values are really important and I help my clients every week. So every week we go, right, has any of this changed? Because You know, like you said, they be, they got life happening, you know, family gets busy, you know, somebody gets ill, a work deadline, and then they, they drift away. But helping them connect to those every week, which is very new to them, something they have not done before, but it just gives them such a clarity at the start of the week. Actually, actually, this is important to me. And. This is why I want to be doing this. It's going to kind of take me to the next question because I think we've covered the comfort zone. But even sometimes we know what the values are, the motivation isn't there. So we know we want to. eat well, want to stay strong, feel good, exercise, because it makes us feel good and we feel fit and strong. But I wake up and I'm like, what would happen if I just skip today? Like, you know, whether it was, it's hot now, it's quite hot now, but it could be the opposite when it's really, really dark. Um, can you give us a little bit more insight on motivation and why Sometimes, even though the values are really, really clear, like crystal clear, as I say, like really, like I know exactly what I want to achieve. Why do we feel demotivated? Yeah. So it's interesting, isn't it? Because whether it's sunny or cold or somewhere in between, you can find any reason to not do something. It's too hot. It's too cold. We're British. The weather is netherite. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so when it comes to, to values, ideally at the unconscious level, you want them all focused towards what it is that you want. And even consciously looking at what's important to me and digging a little deeper. Why is that important? What's important about that? So to use one of your examples, longevity. What is, what does longevity mean to you? What's that going to give you? It means I can play with my kids. I can, you know, really get into the, why am I doing this? Because longevity at surface level, it sounds good. Yeah, in the now, longevity can seem like such a far away thing and we all can have those moments of assuming we're just going to live forever and we'll never have any problems until they arrive. So tapping into the, the deeper why behind the value, getting really tangible with it. So you mentioned about your daughter and your eating habits and that's something where That hits you at your core. That's not just, Oh, I want to be a good example. It's like, right, what other, you know, what if she starts to follow that? Because children model who we are as opposed to what we tell them. So, you know, it's, it's do as I do, do as I say, not as I do. And it's like, unconsciously, they're taking in what you do as, you know, No, this is, this is how I, I'll follow. So tapping into that deeper why, first of all, and looking at what does that actually look, sound and feel like day to day. So you can always come back to that in any moment. Outside of that, one of the first things that I would say is to accept that as people, we have cycles. So there are going to be days where you wake up and you're super motivated and the next day you might not be. If you think of us like, um, a wave, there's what's called the law of rhythm. It's one of the universal laws. So we have the law of gravity. We all know how that works and we work with it. The law of rhythm, if you imagine it like a wave, it goes in and out, it goes up and down. So as people, we have cycles. Some days we're going to be what you could call really high. Everything's great. What comes after a high is an equal and opposite low. So think of it like a pendulum. However far it swings in one direction, it will swing in equal opposition. the other direction. So just accepting that we have rhythms, we have cycles. So if we wake up not feeling completely motivated, the first thing to do is to not apply any meaning to it. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean I've given up on my goals. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. I'm just having a day where I feel less great than I did the day before. So firstly, kind of give yourself a break, have a bit of compassion for the nature of being a human being. And in doing that, even that kind of takes the pressure off. It's like, right, I'm not fighting against how I feel. Because the minute you start pushing against something, you resist it and say, right, no, I've got to make myself do this. I have to do this, I must, I should. So whenever you're kind of shutting yourself, you're fighting against the way that you actually feel. It's like, do I want to do this? I don't know, I'm making myself do it. What you resist persists. So if you're pushing against the not wanting to do, like, I really don't want to get out of bed, but I'm going to make myself. It's like the part of you that wants to stay in bed fights back and becomes even more resistant and even stronger. So it's like, it's a never ending battle. So if you just go, okay, this is how I feel right now. That's okay. And what do I really want to do? Tapping into my values. Like, what is important to me? So knowing that I want to be able to play football with my grandkids. I want to go cycling around the world when I'm 65. I want to, whatever it might be, everybody's vision will be different. What is it that will best serve me right now? That I want to do, even if it's just the most simple of things. Okay. So the plan was, I'm going to do a 5k run. Actually, I'm going to go for a 2k walk because that's okay. It's a step in the right direction and it's okay that I'm not feeling full throttle today. And what you find is when you take off the pressure, the energy that was being used within that pressure can then be directed elsewhere and you end up feeling like you want to do the thing. I don't know if I, if I articulated that in a way that made sense. Yes. Yeah. And I think what's, uh, something I, Maybe heard only once, but what you've said it's true is how we feel if we don't feel like we want to do what we set ourselves to do, it doesn't mean our goals have changed and therefore it shouldn't mean the action plan should change. We should just adapt because for whatever reason. Like, like you said, and understanding, I think this was a good one, understanding that after the high comes the low, so you're never going to always be up high, you know, like I'd have clients who are, who are progressing either with their workouts or with body recompositioning and it's, it's all going the right direction. And all of a sudden, like, as we know, progress is not linear wherever we are, whatever goal. You know, you look at, it's not linear and then all of a sudden like that, not like how low hits, but it's like hitting that, right. What have I done wrong? Or like, well, why is, why is it not working now? And then starting questioning yourself. And kind of, this takes me onto another question. It's it start questioning like, where have I failed? Like what, what, what, what's like, what? And the, the negative self-talk comes in and almost like. But that doesn't mean just because, let's say, one week or one month, thinks have been the same. Even maintenance is progress for a lot of people maintaining a new routine rather than going from one extreme to the other. Um, and yes, seeing the, the number on a scale moving, it's motivating for people. I get it. Uh, I understand that, but essentially It becomes far more important than the number on the scale journey. And it should do, you know, I would, uh, people usually stay with me for, I don't know, six to nine months in average. And after about the four months, they actually start drifting away from the, the wins that you can see because. They've changed so much and I'm just now talking totally going away from the motivation. I'm sorry, totally drifted away. Um, I don't even know where this was heading, but, um, oh, it was about motivation and like I said, the progress would not be linear. Then you, they, you almost feel like you No, like failed as such, but you almost start questioning yourself. Does self negative, what does self negative, self negative, self negative talk? Is it self negative? Negative self talk. There you go. Oh, forerunner. Here we go. So what does negative self talk? Um, have to do with conscious and unconscious minds. Because like, it's so, so easy to go into that, Oh, I must have done something wrong. Right. Like what, what, what, what is it? Where have I failed? What have I messed up? And like, straight away, it's all about what I've done wrong instead of actually, actually, I haven't done anything wrong. And, It's perfectly, perfectly natural and okay to stay in just maintaining phase. So that's, that's the negative self talk have to do anything with conscious and unconscious mind. Yeah, absolutely. So firstly, the, when things plateau, when you may be at the low end of the cycle, accepting that it's part of life, again, can ease that resistance. Cause it's, It's, you know, it's arrived, yeah, I knew it would, doesn't mean I go down a rabbit hole of, Oh, well, now I'm in a low, there's nothing I can do and almost adopting a victim mentality. It's, you can use it as a, uh, knowing that it will probably come, how can I prepare for it in advance? So knowing that after this extreme excitement and I'm getting all these results and I'm really motivated, it's probably going to, I'm going to hit a dip. So in advance, what strategies do I have knowing that that's coming to support myself through it? So that when it does come, I can sail through it more easily. That could be as simple as, you know, stocking up the kitchen in advance. So you know you've got lots of healthy food. Yeah. Maybe I don't know, meditating during that period. So doing practices that you don't always do, that are going to support you mentally, emotionally. Maybe saying to your partner, you know, can you take the kids that day, so I can just have a bit of me time. So navigating it in a way, um, best you can. Vamps rather than waiting for it to hit and when you're in it then going oh no what do I do because you're in it and it's like you fall unresourceful and everything goes out the window. So know that it's coming and think right if I know that I'm going to probably want a sweet treat on that day what could I have in the house? that's going to serve me, or maybe I'll just give myself a sweet treat on that day. And that's okay. So there's that side of things. Now, when it comes to the negative self talk, that is usually driven by whatever beliefs we have. Because our beliefs are this never ending cycle of proving ourselves right. So if we hit this period where we don't feel motivated or, you know, we fall off the bandwagon, for want of a better word, it's like, see, I knew you'd do it. I knew this wasn't possible. So. It's like, right, I'm proving myself right, because I already believed it anyway. It's just now I've got evidence to support it. The stories that we tell ourselves, the beliefs that we have, they're not true. But because we tell ourselves them and we believe them, they become our truth. They become our reality. So when that negative self talk kicks in, first of all, take a step back and think, right, this is just a story. And the reason it's true is because I've told myself this story enough times. And I have the ability. And the choice to change the story in any moment. Because nothing means anything other than the meaning that I give to it. So I could look at this situation and go, yes, I failed. Or I could look at it and go, okay, I didn't do what I said I was going to do or planned to do. So what is the lesson that I can take from this so that next time I'll do something differently? Because the minute we can take a lesson from it, That will support us in a positive way in the future, then it wasn't wasted. It had meaning, and we can let it go. The issue comes is if you keep repeating the cycle and getting the same lesson over and over again, using the, right, I know that this time of the month, I'm going to, you know, want to tear the kitchen to pieces and eat everything in it. And every time I get there, I think, oh yeah, I never bought any things. You know, I never bought some dark chocolate or some strawberries or whatever it is. Next time I'll do that. But the next time it comes around, I still haven't got any dark chocolates and strawberries in the house. It's like, oh yeah, keep getting the message. Which again, isn't failure. It just sometimes takes us a bit longer to learn. So, the way to, that you can approach this. Your unconscious mind is like a five year old child. It take things literally, it takes everything personally. Get a picture of yourself at five years old, hold it in front of you and think, would I speak to that five year old child the way that I talk to myself? And the answer is probably no. Would I speak to any five year old child the way that I talk to myself? And keep that picture to hand and have compassion. I think there's a little girl inside me that is crying out to feel loved, to feel heard, to be comforted. And maybe the way that she has handled that and dealt with it is through food. Or through almost harming herself so that, you know, she, she feels like she is worthy of being here because she suffered enough to, to warrant her existence or whatever it might be, you know, have compassion and think, right, this little girl is doing the best that she can. So. really self love, but not in the way of, I did a facial tonight. It's like love, start to love the little girl that's within you that is crying out for help. And maybe the way she does that is through stuffing a face full of comfort food. Cause that's almost like the, it gives the comfort that she's really wanting. From somewhere else. So taking that moment to have compassion. The reason that negative self-talk is so impactful is because our thoughts, our feed links and our physiology are all linked. So the thoughts that we have, the pictures we create in our mind, the self-talk, the movie that is playing impacts the way that we feel and the way that we feel impacts the energy that we have, the actions that we take. So that negative self-talk isn't just about what's going on on in the mind, it's literally. Probably bring it, creating a negative emotion. And that negative emotion is draining any energy to go and do something or motivation to get out of bed or whatever it is. So it becomes that loop again. Now, the good thing is those three are linked thoughts, feelings, and physiology. So you can use any one of them to change how you feel in the moment, how you think. So it could be that you think, right, the best thing I have at my right here. Right now is my physiology. So that's your body. If you're thinking negative self thoughts, you can get up. Put your shoulders back. Put your head back. Walk around in a power pose. Jump up and down. Just do something to change your body. And when you change your body, you're going to change the way that you feel. The chemicals inside of you are going to change. And that is going to impact on the thoughts that you create and the self talk. And the funnier you can make it, the better. Because if you get silly with it and you start laughing, it's like, how can you laugh? And be serious at the same time. So kind of, how can I make this fun? Even if it's, you know, not necessarily dealing with the root cause or the pattern, but it's changing me in the moment. And those little moments compound over time. And if you can keep interrupting the patterns and breaking the cycle in the moment, then eventually it will rewire, reprogram your mind that that then becomes the new pattern of behavior. So that minute where you're like, right, I'm, I've just eaten chocolate or I want to eat chocolate and oh God, here I go again, feeling rubbish. You'll probably find that physiology is like shoulders are slumped disempowering kind of physiology and state and playing through the movies and all the previous times that you did it as well. Breathe, deep breaths in, walk around, move. And you'll find that even that will shift just a little bit. It only takes that little bit. to start a whole different, going off in a whole different trajectory. And the thing with the mind is that what you believe to be true, it will look for evidence for and bring it into your awareness. That is the basis of the law of attraction is when you decide you want something and then you see it everywhere. It's because it's You started focusing on it and your mind went, here it is, here it is, here's all the ideas. And suddenly, you see it everywhere. So, if you start saying to yourself, right, yes, I have failed in the past, but actually, have I always failed? Like, what about the times? That I did push through something. Or what about the times where I succeeded, even if it's in a different context? Because then your mind is going to go looking for that evidence and go, Oh yeah, do you know what? There are times that I've made it through this. And succeeded. And learned. And there's been times where I've fallen off the bandwagon and the whole world didn't collapse. I just got back on. And then your mind will show you, here's a way that you can get back on. Hey, have you thought about having this conversation? Well, here's a video that you hadn't thought that an exercise routine you might like to try, or whatever it might be. So the mind is then filtering out all of this, all of the information around us going, here's the thing that will support you. Here's the thing to prove that that belief that you're now taking on board to be true, that you're focusing on, is real. So, thoughts have so much more, To them so much more influence than just in that moment. Oh yeah, I'm having that negative self talk again. It's like, right, what is this information? How can I use this? How can I begin to shift it? And even seeing that, you know, the low as in the, the bottom end of the rhythm, like I'm in the dip right now. The way I approach that is right. This now, this is the training ground, not the day where I feel high. And I feel like, yeah, I want to go do it. That's easy. This is the bit where I'm like, if I can just get through this, That, the high that you get through getting through the low, like, wow, I, you know, even if it's all I'm going to do is get through Friday night. Yeah. That's all I'm committing to. Forget the week. Forget the month. Forget the year. Forget the future. I just want to get through. I just want to enjoy Friday night with some grapes instead of whatever. And that small commitment is like, Oh yeah, that feels so good. And on the other end of that, that's where the muscle is getting built. And the pride that you're feeling like, Oh, I say pride, the smugness that I feel like, yes, get in girl. And that, that negative self talk then is positive self talk. Yeah. Which then begins to reinforce itself. I mean, just wow. Like what, while you were talking, I had so many thoughts in my head. Like, Obviously how I can help my clients more with understanding this. And I know I'm still due to finish the course I've started with you. I know I will finish it. So I learn, but also, um, like recently. Not recently, but I've had a few healthcares last few years and it has left my mind in a, just a different place, I suppose. Let's just call it a different place. And, uh, I'm being challenged more frequently, I would say with the negative thoughts, but you have said a couple of things there that I'm just like, right, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. Uh, because it's true. It's a story and we create a reality that that's not true. And then we end up living this fantasy that's not true. And then the whole, all of the actions. Sorry, this is just me now mumbling because it has brought me into kind of my current situation where I am as a person to kind of help me overcome my challenges, which is not the topic of this podcast, but I just wanted to mention it because not only like, obviously we are talking, mate, you know, today about, um, health and fitness goals, but what you do, it's just. It's like, it covers the whole life. It covers the challenges, the mind. And so it's not only about health and fitness goals, what, what you do, but it's obviously it's way bigger. It's way bigger. And I, I just feel like everything is about minds and that, that, you know, that's, is, is it, would you say that's quite a lot what we do and, um, is, is about mind and how we approach things. Absolutely. All of it. Yeah. It's, you know, and you mentioned about how this is health and fitness and as people, we take ourselves with us wherever we go. So what we do in one area, we do, we tend to do in all areas. It translates those beliefs aren't necessarily, you know, if somebody has a belief, for example, I'm not good enough, that is going to translate in all areas. It may be that they get with a partner that, you know, isn't supportive or is abusive or doesn't look, love them in the way that they, they know they could be loved and in health and fitness, they abuse their body. So it's like the abuse. Through lack of worth gets carried through all areas. It could be that they're in a job where their boss doesn't respect them and they allow themselves to be walked all over because they think it's what they deserve. So focusing on health and fitness is about so much more than that, because first of all, it's the vehicle that you carry yourself with into all of those different contexts, yet resolving the underlying issues of, You know, why is it that you're essentially carrying out that self abuse through food or lack of exercise or substance abuse or whatever it might be? What is driving that? And when you resolve that, you'll find that the ripple effect goes into every area, not just this, but yeah. In answer to your question, the world Is a complete perception and the perception comes from our mind. So out of all of the millions of bits of information that our senses are being bombarded with every second of the day through what we see, hear, feel, smell, taste, touch. We are oblivious to most of it. Our mind can't process it, our conscious mind can't process it, so we are deleting, distorting, and generalizing all of this information through our belief systems, through our memories, through our personality, through all of the things is what's known as our reality, our world. And what we're left with is like a tiny bit of information, and that is our thought. And that thought in our mind, we've gone from all these millions of bits, and we're left with about 126 bits, which is our thought, our self talk. And that's the thing that we call reality. That's what we see outside of us. Yeah, it's not reality at all. It's our filtered down perception. This is why two people can go to the same event and have a completely different account of what happened. They can go to the same place and give you completely different interpretations. You know, you don't have to go on TripAdvisor and it's like one person says it's amazing. The other person says it was terrible. And you think they could have literally been in the same conversation, but based on, you know, Their beliefs, their values, their memories, they will have interpreted it through their own lens. So, the world is mental, as in, it's all mind. And that's really empowering, because if it wasn't, then we have no control over it. There's nothing we can do to change the external. What we can do is change the internal, which changes our perception and our experience of the external. And that is what reflects back to us. Oh, I love that. I love that. I've had a few more questions, but I think we've covered them. I love that. Oh my gosh. What, what, what, uh, yeah, what, uh, what a great, great talk, Sean. I mean, I'm always, I knew it's going to be great, but I'm always, you just give such a different perspective on the things. And I always tell my clients that when we happy, it's, and it's exactly what you, what you've said. It over spills into all areas of our life. So within my coaching, you know, I, we do weekly reviews, focusing on the positives to help them move away from thinking about what didn't work, but celebrating the good All the wins, regardless how small and big, but then because that then over spills into the family life, into the relationships, into the work relationships, into, you know, everywhere. And um, and I, I also like what you said about, yeah, we've got to look ourself cause it's the vehicle. I love that. It really is. Yeah. Thank you. I work with people that they want to create these thriving businesses, but if, if you're not looking after your health, that is going to impact on your physical body and the energy levels that you can bring to the table. And, you know, the, if you're eating lots of processed food and the chemicals that are in it, it's, it is going to have an impact if you're not drinking enough water. Could be tired and it's like, look after you first and then every other area will benefit. Again, you're looking after your health and your confidence starts going through the roof. Your relationship is probably going to benefit showing up as the sexy mama that you are. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Um, Is there anything you would, um, what we haven't covered potentially, but what if you, if we have somebody who is sitting on the fence at the moment of their journey of wanting to move away from the dieting life and then trying something different, something new, um, something unknown, you know, like we said, comfort zone. Is there anything, something that you would That you would tell them or like, what, what, what's the first thing they could do to get off that fence, but get off on the right side of the fence. Yeah, so this is approach that I've adopted myself recently, decision making and the energy of being indecisive is exhausting. To sit on that fence is tiring because the energy that you spend pondering, researching, thinking about. Instead, what if you were to just put that energy 100 percent into the thing that you've been thinking about and go and find out if it works. Cause the, the best way to know and to get that certainty is to go and do it, knowing that if it's not for you, that's okay as well. But one way that you know, it isn't going to work is if you don't go and do it. Yeah, totally. I'd say if there's a curiosity there, it's tapping into, well, there's clearly something here that is drawing me to Petra, to the, the offering that she has to you and what you bring into the table and my, what often keeps people back is the fear. The doubt, and they've got you to support them through that. So it's knowing that you're not in it on your own. And the whole purpose of the program is to have you as that support network. So it can feel like you're going into it alone, but you're really not. So use the indecision energy to drop the email, to pick up the phone, to book on the program. And take it day by day, letting you be the guiding light for where it will take them next. Yeah. I want to give a shout out to your book, Sian. Um, so it's, it's not me who should be talking about the book, but yeah, I've read Sian's book. And I'm just going to ask you just to a little bit, tell us about it because I think it's one of those books that everybody should read, uh, to understand. More than we just talked about in this podcast. So, uh, do you want to share a little bit about it? Yeah, firstly, thank you so much. That's a really sweet of you. And yeah, the, the book is about what we've been speaking about today, but in more detail. So it's called activate your RAS, which is your reticular activating system. And it's the art and science of creating your reality from the inside out. The reticular activating system is the part of the brain that filters through all of the external information and brings into your conscious awareness the bits that are important to you, the bits that you're focusing on. This is where the, the law of attraction stuff, as I mentioned earlier, comes in. You decide that you want to go on holiday somewhere, and suddenly your neighbour's been there. It's in the paper, it's on the TV, and you're seeing it everywhere. It's like, did this place exist? not exist before? Is everybody like, where did it come from? So it explains how our brain filters through reality. And then more importantly, how we can begin to program it and activate our reticular activating system on purpose to begin to become aware of the opportunities to turn our focus towards what it is that wanted, that is wanted so that we can start to create our life on purpose. And understand when things aren't working, what might be going on. So, touching on the universal laws, including the, the law of rhythm, so, knowing if there's a down period, it doesn't mean things aren't working out. Really, it's about getting a, a better understanding of yourself. and other people in the process. And then if there's something that isn't working for you, something you want to change, there's practical steps, activation points at the end of each chapter. So you can take the information that you've learned and implement it in a way to create that change. Yeah. And where, where, where, where is it available, Sian? Where can people find it? Uh, Amazon's probably the best place. Yeah. So guys, head over to Amazon. I'm telling you, like, it was one of those books. And I wanted to tell you a little story. We were playing a game with, uh, we play games when we go out to places with our family, like, and this game was, um, Uh, list a movie or a book that starts with, and we go alphabet, A, B, C, D, and I don't know what I said to A. Paul said, my husband said something, and Alita goes, activate your RAS. And I'm like, activate what? She goes. Well, it's the book you've got next to your bed, like activates, like, and it starts with A. So, uh, there you go. Even my daughter knows about your book. That's brilliant. Yeah, exactly. It just goes back to what you've said. We've said earlier in the podcast, it's not what we tell them, but it's what we do. And she did ask me about that book because it's a picture of you. And she was like, who is this lady? So I've told her, I said, mom, she's like asking. But again, that the fact that she brings it up in. Like, like a game where we just sitting casually enjoying our family time. It just shows how much really they take in, uh, without, I've never told her about that book. Like I never did. And there, there she is talk, mentioning it in the game, asking questions about it. So, uh, Yeah. So, yeah, that's why the why and the values are really, really important because things can be hard to turn around and change, but if we understand really why we want to, then it's definitely possible with the right support. And I invite you to maybe begin to think of all the times where thing in turn, where turning things around felt a little easier because it doesn't always have to be hard. Yeah, that can often be the belief that we choose to take on board. And I've been guilty of this in that, that belief that it has to be hard. And when I looked at that and unpacked it, it was like, because when it's hard, then I've proved to the world that I deserved it. It's like, Oh yeah, do I feel like I don't deserve things unless I've really worked for it? So even that, those sneaky little beliefs that weave our way into our reality and show us, here's the, all the ways it can be hard. Hey, I bet you didn't think about this obstacle that you'd overcome. No, no, totally. Yeah. What an inspiring podcast and I really, really hope, um, If, uh, people have listened to this, if you guys listened and if you enjoyed it, if you like the sound of either Sian and myself, I'm going to leave our details. I'm going to leave the Amazon link for the book as well in the podcast notes as well. And if, uh, you feel you need to get in touch with either myself or Sian to help you, um, unpick, I suppose, um, and, um, and see, you know, get the right support, uh, to help you with your goals, then we'll be happy to help. I would also super appreciate, and I always do this, uh, please share it with more people. I need this podcast to get some love and the more people know about it, the more people review it, the more people listen to it, the wider it gets. So, please, if you enjoyed it, please, Please share it. And as always, um, leave a five star review, uh, it would mean the world to me and Sian obviously, because if it wasn't for Sian, it wouldn't be so great. Uh, Sian, thank you so much for coming on. It's been absolutely amazing. Um, I am truly hoping to see you soon, uh, but for now have a great day and thank you so much for coming on to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. You can find the transcript on the website