Unpacking Emotional Baggage: Reconnecting with Your True Self with Marsha Kerr Talley

You've packed your bags, ready to relax...

But it can feel like you're lugging around a suitcase full of emotional baggage & you can't quite pinpoint when you packed it!

Maybe you're having the best time, followed by moments where you snap over something small, then immediately think, "What the heck just happened? Why am I reacting like this?"

If you're nodding your head right now, you're exactly who I was thinking about when I sat down with Marsha Kerr Talley on her podcast, "Candid Conversations with Marsha."

We peeled back the layers on the heavy stuff - the emotional clutter that can drag us down, keep us stuck & make us question if we'll ever get back to feeling truly okay.

Marsha is a powerful woman on a mission to change lives. Having experienced trauma and coming out the other end, she's learnt how to turn pain into her strength.

We dived deep, talking about some of the hidden things that can mess with our emotions, how easy it is to forget our true selves & why so many people pull away the minute things start getting good.

Here's a taste of what we covered:

✨ The Importance of Adaptability

✨ Understanding True Power

✨ The Impact of Childhood Beliefs

✨ The Role of Therapy in Emotional Healing

✨ Marsha's Personal Journey & struggles - how she found her way through

✨ The Unconscious Mind & Survival Mode - What's really driving our actions when we're on autopilot

✨ Navigating Life's Challenges

✨ The Sea of Connection - Understanding the support we have available Building

✨ Trust and Surrendering

✨ Survival Mode - Unlearning the Habits, Triggers & Self-Compassion

✨ Physiology & Emotional States

✨ Perception and Reality

✨ The Power of Belief & Acceptance - The Power of Embracing where we are which paves the way to change!

So if you've been feeling like life's been dealing you a tough hand, or you're caught in a loop of negative thoughts & emotions, this episode might be exactly what you need. Marsha and I didn't hold back - we got into the real, raw stuff of emotional wellness & I think you'll find it incredibly relatable.

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Transcript

Sian: 0:26

Hello, and welcome to the Vibrant Mind, Vibrant Life podcast. For those of you who are new here, I'm Sian Hill, your host. And for those of you who are regulars, welcome back. Today's episode is actually an episode taken from a podcast where I was a guest. I recently sat down with the amazing, the powerful Marsha Kerr Talley on her podcast, Vibrant Mind. Candid conversations with Marsha. Now we dove deep on this episode. We spoke about everything from understanding your true power, the role that emotional healing plays in your journey to creating the life that it is that you want. We spoke about Marsh's personal journey and, the struggles that she's experienced and how she found her way through. And side note, there is a bit of a trigger warning that comes with that. So just so you are aware. We also dove into understanding the support that we have available, how to build that trust within ourselves and surrender to that support. to the things that we actually want to create, how we tap into the resources that are available to us that are so much bigger than we are. We spoke about self compassion, about perception of reality, our beliefs, we covered it all. It was a jam packed episode and Marsha was kind enough to allow me to share it with you as well, so that you can take all the juiciness, all the goodness from it. So, enjoy it. And let me know what your biggest takeaways were. But before you dive in, I do want to remind you that my 12 week Reflective Alchemy program is beginning in September. Now this program really is a healing journey in and of itself. So invite you to think about and consider and become aware of what are the points that you can relate to, Where have you maybe found yourself coming up against the same obstacles time and time again? Maybe never really moving the needle in the way that you wish to yet Not really understanding why that is You've been doing the work, you've been practicing the things, but you're still not getting the results that you want. That is what the Reflective Alchemy Program is all about. It's about healing the parts of you that you're unaware even exist, yet they are keeping you in this smaller container of life. And when you're able to heal those, Give them the love that they need, that they're crying out for, they dissolve. And that's when you open yourself up to more. That's when you expand your own capacity to receive everything that is ready and available and waiting for you. It is all there, my friend, I promise you. The only thing that is stopping you from receiving it is your resistance to it. And I'm talking about your unconscious resistance. This isn't about the conscious mind. Consciously, you know what it is that you want. If you really were to ask yourself, if you were to sit down and somebody gave you a magic wand and said, here you go, create the life that you want, you would have an idea of what that is. Yet, unconsciously, there's a mismatch. And the unconscious mind is the driving force of your life. Now, during this episode, I do share with you ways that you can work with your conscious mind and bring into your awareness some of the patterns that can play out. So I do share a more gradual, gentle approach to making those changes. And, maybe you've already been doing that or maybe you're just ready to dive that bit deeper and have the support to accelerate your growth. So if that is you, head to the link in the show notes to check out the Reflective Alchemy program. Now this is the beta program, it's the first launch, so you'll be one of the founding members. Which means you will get it at a heavily discounted rate. So you will be getting this program with over 60 percent off. It will be going up to 9. 97 after September. For this program alone, you get it for only 3. 97. And not only that, you can spread the payment, so it's really accessible, there are limited seats, so if you know that you want to do this, if you're even a little bit curious, I invite you to check it out, and come and join me, what will be an amazing transformation. If you have any questions, drop me a message. And as ever, enjoy the episode, I'll see you next time.

Marsha: 4:25

Good and happy Tuesday from sunny, sunny East Midlands in the UK. Can you believe it? Ladies and gentlemen, we've actually been having a summer here in the UK recently. It's so hot. I am perspiring. So I'm in my sleeveless thing cause you know, I'm out here. In my makeshift office, it's super hot. There's no ac england. I need to let you know It's about time you need ac in your buildings. Okay. I don't know what you used to do But times have changed and we need ac so welcome. Welcome today. I'm super excited I have a guest that i'm excited to have um, her name is shawn hill And Miss Hill, she is in a similar field to me. So I feel very aligned with her. Um, we are emotional wellness coach. So for those of you who do not know me, I am Marsha Curtalli. I have transitioned from being a certified English teacher Been in the classroom for almost 20 years. My demographics have been special education students, students with autism, students with dyslexia, uh, emotional and other disabilities. And I'm now moving into this emotional wellness coaching arena. And I'm actually quite excited about it because I've written a book, uh, healing from emotional traumas. And a lot of the strategies that I've. I put in that book was really for my personal experience. And now as I'm studying and I'm becoming better at what I'm doing, I'm realizing a lot of those strategies, there is a real name for it. There's a real practice for it. There are therapy, um, with real clinical names for some of the things that I've put in that book. And so now I definitely want to go in. That direction. So the purpose of today's live stream is to chit chat with Sean We're going to get to know who she is what she does and how she can help you To live like to live your best life now because we want to get out of this idea Where we feel like life is just about suffering life is just about getting by We we're going to transition from that and we're going to go into our healed era our soft Era are living our best life era. And so today that's the conversation sean and I Are going to partake in so miss hill Are you ready? I am indeed. awesome sauce is so good to see you. Good to see you too. And can I begin by saying a heck yes to the air con? I'm all for that goodness. We need some air con, my Lord. I even believe I'm complaining. My daughter, she just woke up. She ju So it's 12 o'clock. Yeah, she just woke up and she's like, I don't know what happened. Because we usually go to the gym at like nine. Take my dad at nine. And she's like, I don't know what happened, but he knocks me out. And I'm like, uh, yeah, it's been tough. It's kind of been rough. For the last few days. Oh, yeah. So I am all for it. I think it's a good metaphor for needing to adapt as things change. It's like we have to get flexible and realize what used to work doesn't work anymore. So it's down to us to make those changes. Absolutely. And that's what we're going to talk about, even having the toolbox of different things in your emotional toolbox, your life toolbox, so that you can pull out and adjust accordingly, like England. In your toolbox, we should have had AC in the houses. Like y'all weren't ready. Like, come on, you weren't ready. So, I mean, coming from Texas and that heat, I am used to the heat, but I could always run into my house or into any building knowing I'm going to get cool. Uh, all right. We're going to adjust. We're going to adjust. So Sean, tell me, who are you? Who am I? Oh, fabulous question. Where to begin? Uh, so, um, for the last gosh, since 2011, I've been in what you would call the emotional, the mindset kind of arena, learning schools, um, skills, skills, and tools all merged into one, um, in NLP, um, timeline therapy, hypnotherapy, coaching, all various modalities, which are really all about understanding how it is that we think and feel the way that we do. And if things aren't working for us, how we can begin to release some of the past baggage so that in the now we feel stable, we feel able to go and create what it is that we actually want. So I've been doing that through One to one coaching. I went on to become a trainer and trained other people in the same kind of skills. And then recently I've been dipping into different arenas, such as breathwork and different alchemy processes, all geared towards the same end goal, the same solution, which is really about reconnecting with our true power. Yes. Methods and approaches, um, which gives me that more flexible toolbox for myself and for the people that I work with. Absolutely. I'm going to write this down right here. Reconnecting to our true power. Goodness. Like when we talk about this reconnecting to our true power, tell me what do you mean about that? So you listed different practices, modalities that people can use to get reconnected to our true power. But when we say true power, is that a cliche term? What does that even mean? Yeah, it absolutely can be because words, whilst words have a lot of power, if there's no connection to them, it's like, they're not powerful, doesn't mean anything other than the meaning that we give to it. So, I can only speak from my own experience, my own knowledge and what it means to me. For me, true power is, we come into this universe, we are so much more than this human body. You know, this is the vehicle that we used to steer our human experience. And we're connected to so much more wisdom. We are energetic beings. And I think along the way and through the programming that we've had, we forget just how powerful we are, that we really are the creator of our own reality. For me, reconnecting to that true power is almost the, the dissolving, the releasing of any limitations that we've placed on ourselves over the years so that we actually come back to our true essence, to our core, who we always were, we just forgot. We, forgot to remember how powerful we are. So that's what it means to me. That is so powerful. So a couple of things you said, listen, this physical being, this is not it. This is, I know we've limited ourselves to this because it's what we see. And a lot of times we only believe that what we see is it. And if we can't see it, then it's not real. It doesn't exist. And so we've limited ourselves to this. body. But in fact, we are energy first, or some people would say spirit first. And we are vesseled in this vehicle. And this is a vehicle that we're traveling this human experience in. And sometimes I will say traveling black or traveling as a black woman, because in this vehicle, this is what I was blessed with. We are all blessed with our vehicles and we're traveling through the human experience in this. So we have to value the physical being too, but with the understanding that we are energy first, we're spirit first and our limitations, um, we can't limit ourselves. Like we, we are limiting ourselves, but I love that you said it's, uh, this, The process, the modalities, going through all of these different emotional wellness, um, strategy, strategies, tips, tricks, practices, all of that is to help us to remember what we forgot. Mm-Hmm. Remember what we forgot.'cause the truth of the matter is we knew at some point. That we were limitless. We knew at some point how powerful we were. We, we knew that at some point you watch children, you observe children. The reason children take the risk that they take is because they're like, bro, I know I can do this. I can try this. And someone's like, no, no, no, don't touch that. Don't go there. Don't. And they're like, no, no, I can. I think I can. And then over time, do you feel like it's society or what causes us to forget? I think there's many layers to that question and many kind of approaches that you can come from. Between the age of nought and seven, we are that, that, we're just a little unconscious mind. So we don't have that, that conscious faculty, our conscious mind hasn't kind of kicked in by that point for us to question and rationalize things, which is why we can be so unstoppable. It's that we, we, we don't have the fear until we're told that we should have it. So during that period, we see everything that's available to us, but equally, that's when we're most susceptible to the beliefs and the patterns and the thoughts and the processes being stored from our surrounding, from our environment, which is predominantly, uh, well intended parents who Have their own fears and limitations, uh, your grandparents, our friends, our teachers, whoever it may be. And here's the thing, right? Everybody is doing the best that they can in at any moment in time. So when they're acting out of fear, there's usually love driving it. You know, they, they have a good intention. They want the best. So without realizing that inadvertently, it's like putting a layer on top of what's not possible anymore. So I think there's, there's many factors that go on. They. The key is that at that point we choose to believe them, and many people spend their whole lives believing that thing to be true, and the, when you have a belief, your mind looks to prove itself right, so you find more evidence for it, which then reconfirms that belief. And it's only when you begin to question things and think, hang on a second, is that actually true? Is there another way? Does this have to be the only human way? the only option, the only opportunity, the only way of doing things. And even just that little spark, that little question within it is enough to really be the catalyst for change and change the whole trajectory of somebody's life. You know, you said they did it well intentioned, out of love, the, the imposing these fears on you. Um, it wasn't trying to be malicious, not everybody, not everyone, but for the most part, the people we learned the limitations from From we're trying to teach us, like how to navigate the world the way they knew, like to their to their knowledge to their understanding of how to travel this world. And they were given us that. Yes, it added this limitation outside of our parents or people well intended people. What else causes us to forget and to add to our limitations? Vicka, where to begin? So the, as I mentioned, when you have a belief, the unconscious mind looks to prove itself, right? So when a belief is installed, when it's created, it can be the smallest event. It can be a big event. It can be something really simple. Yet in that moment, a decision is made unconsciously that this is the way that things are. It could be as simple as, you know, a parent didn't come home or deliver in the way that they said they would. And the unconscious mind is like, Oh, people can't be trusted. Absolutely. And that decision in that moment is then, it ripples through all facets of life, you know, relationships are conscious and we can't trust people at work. And you don't even know, but it's running in the background, those beliefs, the emotion that created them in the first place. So it could be a pretty, it's usually a protective mechanism, you know, like I don't want to get hurt. So install this belief and then I won't trust anybody because if I don't trust people, then I have no expectation. I'm protected. Yeah, absolutely. So again, the unconscious mind is doing it with good intention. It's primary role is to keep you safe, is to keep you alive, to survive. It's not about thriving. It's like, let's just make sure that you don't get eaten metaphorically or physically. Yeah. So there's, um, Completely lost my trail of thought, where was I going with that? Yeah, we were just talking about what else would like, yeah. Yeah, so those events, there can be, there's usually emotion connected to them. You know, emotions are what drive everything that we do. Right. So the emotions then get stored in the body and We have these reactionary responses to things that make no logical sense and it's because our body is responding to those triggers, even though rationally, logically, consciously, we, we know that it's not, it's not real. It's not the way things are. Our body doesn't know the difference. Right? So you can almost think of it a bit like, We've got an emotional cup. Yeah. We come into this world, this motion. Here we go. I've got a cup here. So this cup is empty. And then events happen over time. We have beliefs. We have events where maybe we feel scared. We feel hurt. And it fills up. Yeah. And it gets to the point that the cup is full. This is when seemingly small events can happen. And rationally, we know, Oh, well, it doesn't make sense to overreact to this, but the emotional cup is full and emotions aren't rational. So this is when we fly off the handle. This is when we can respond to things in a certain way. And that can almost then create this loop of why did I react like that? I'm such a failure, reinstall the belief. So it's a cycle that kind of keeps on feeding itself. So there's the belief side of things, there's the, the body reaction side to things in that, you know, we're, we're programmed to protect ourselves and anything that goes against that, anything where we perceive a threat, whether it's real or not, if we're taught it's a threat, then our body reacts. So people will often find themselves living a lifetime or a majority of their life in a kind of fight or flight state, whether on high alert, whether it's dreading a meeting that they've got coming up at work, whether it's having a conversation that they don't want to have, whether it's as simple as, you know, going out in public and they don't, they feel anxious about it, they're living as though they're in a fight or flight state, their body doesn't know. So yeah, it's a stress mode, which impacts on the body physically, you know, if you're in. that kind of state. You're in what's known as a sympathetic nervous state activation. Your digestive system is kind of surplus to requirements. You know, we're, we're fighting for survival here. We really don't need to be thinking about digesting our food correctly or making babies or all that kind of. additional stuff. And this is why people have so many health conditions that are really going back to what we said at the beginning. It's the energy, which is emotion that is feeding the vehicle that we're in and the vehicle is just responding. It's, you know, the vehicle is the effect of the creation that came before it. So our body, I really want to stay at the part where you talk about the body's story. The body store because we have all these responses. These events happen in our bodies store that and then we react a certain way because this is why therapy is important because we have to help the body the release. Some of those emotions release some of those memory that it's storing for your survival. So I had a client earlier this week and one of the things I shared was I think we do have to honor our bodies and our minds and our emotions. Well intentioned they were. They were trying to protect us. They were trying to keep us safe. Um, and so we have to honor them, but we have to get to a place where it's okay. I'm okay now. You, you don't really need to do all of that anymore. I'm okay now. And then you talk about, Because the body's storing all of these things, you're in fight or flight mode constantly. You actually can create sicknesses. I know you mentioned that in your digestive situation and even pregnancies. I had a miscarriage in 2019. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. I've always been one of those people that were pretty anxious. Um, if something good happens, I'm ready for something bad to happen. I'm looking out for when is the ball going to drop like I'm constantly, constantly until most recently because I had to release some of those things 2019 though, I saw my whole son came out in the sack and everything in the toilet, the most stressful. That's when 2018 I was diagnosed with, uh, high blood pressure, stress related work was Work was trying to take me out and then the relationship I was in was also trying to take me out So you can just imagine this candle called me and both ends were just Burning and boy my body responded. So talk to us a little bit more About the importance of yes, your body is holding on to this. Yes We're gonna honor our bodies because it's trying to keep us safe But there we have to have therapy For this reason, this is one of the reasons we need therapy. Why is it so important? Yeah. Um, so firstly, thank you for sharing that experience and, you know, it's, I'm sure that it's led to a lot of what you do today. Yeah. Yeah. Which is often the way it's to our own experiences and learning to get through them and resolve them. So it's, it's beautiful that you're able to, to share that with other women who may be going through a similar thing and support them with the emotional stuff that comes with it. Um, so yeah, the reason I would say therapy and whichever modality people choose to use is so important is because. The unconscious mind runs the body. So the unconscious mind is responsible for 95 percent of the power of the mind. It runs the body, it keeps us alive, it pumps the heart, the blood, it stores our memories, it does so much for us that we're completely oblivious to. We're taken in the world around us constantly through our unconscious mind. The conscious mind is responsible for the other 5 percent or so. It's the stuff that we're aware of in the moment, you know, us having this conversation right now. It's how we, you know, we make decisions as in we choose, Oh, this is what I want to achieve. That's a conscious choice. So working with the conscious mind is great. Yet emotions are stored in the unconscious mind and the unconscious mind runs the body. So being able to dive into the root cause. And make those releases is where the, where the power exists, because if it was as easy as just, yeah, if it was as easy as talking stuff through and rationalizing it, then we could do that immediately, yet unconsciously. things operate slightly differently. So the unconscious mind's primary role, as I mentioned earlier, is to protect us, to keep us alive, to keep us in survival. And where some people can, I've done this myself and I see it a lot, where personally, I believe some of the, the disconnection can happen is people will beat themselves up, beat up their unconscious mind for where they are right now, how they feel about things. So the thing that is keeping us alive, that is protecting us, will then beat it up. Yeah, and saying, you know, people have a, a nickname for their inner critic, but it's not so polite. And I'm like, that inner critic is actually wanting to keep you safe. It's doing its job. So the best thing we can do is thank it, thank it, honor it, honor it, I promise. Absolutely. This has changed my life recently, but getting to the realization that I need to be thankful for it. For that part of me that have kept me so long through all those situations to get to this point. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. I love it. Absolutely. And it is about that because your unconscious mind needs to be reassured that you are safe and by constantly beating it up, think of it like your unconscious mind is like a five year old child. Right. Would you beat up a five year old child for not getting things straight forward? If any of y'all are like, yes, I would, you shouldn't. Yes. Yeah. Please go to therapy, working, you know, where you're, you'll only ever be presented with the issues that you are in the position to resolve. So when say, you know, memories from the past things, emotions come up, it's like, why am I feeling this way? I thought I dealt with this. Why am I suddenly having this memory? It's think of it like it's been put away in a box. Your mind has gone, right? You're not ready to deal with this. So let's metaphorically put a lid on it. Until you are, and then we're going to open up the box so you can go and resolve it properly. So when these things come up, again, it's like, right, thank you, unconscious mind. I get it now. I know that I'm stable enough in my own emotional well being, my own energy, to do whatever it is I need to do, whether it's seeking external help with that. Working it out myself. I, I'm in the place that I can do this. And it is a journey, you know, it's continually, if you think of our body, almost like the container that we live in and when the container's full, we've got to empty out to begin with. And then the more we do that, the more capacity we have to receive the things and allow the things in that we want and desire. And we also have the ability to extend. and grow our container so we can receive more. And that is a journey. So it's not about a kind of one and done. This is never ending because when you come up against new hurdles, new things are going to come to the surface. Beliefs that you think I'm, you know, that belief that I'm not good enough. Well, I let that one go, but that was in that arena. And now I'm in this arena doing something new. At that time you let that one go. Cool, cool. But here's another one showing Are you good enough then? Do you still believe you're enough then? Yeah, so yeah, working with a therapist, a coach that is able to see, have that outside perspective, to see the patterns that people are running, the, the behaviors they're carrying out that they're often oblivious to, because remember, 95 percent of the time, of the, um, is the unconscious mind and that's happening on autopilot. So we're doing stuff that we don't even realize we're doing. We don't think about it. Just like we brush our teeth. If you were to recall brushing your teeth, it's like, Oh, I just did it. I don't remember. We all have those car journeys when you get to your destination and you think, I don't. I don't remember driving here because you're unconscious minded and our behaviors are just like that in that we don't even realize the things that we recreate time and time again and we call that reality. So the outside perspective gives us that ability to kind of, what's the saying? You can't, you can't read the label from inside the jar. You can't. And that's what it's like when you have a problem. When you're in it. When you're in it. Yeah, no, no kind of perspective on it. So, and the emotions that are kind of piled on top of all of that. So having therapy gives you that outside perspective and a helping hand. We can absolutely heal ourselves. We can do it all. Having somebody else to support you with that accelerates the process. Help in hand. And let's be clear. Therapist needs therapy. Therapist needs therapy because we're not nobody coaches. We're not infallible. And like you said, we go through different stages. It's a journey. I empty it out, but then things happen and stuff start piling up again. And I'm inside the jar and I need to be able to see, get a different perspective. I get a helping hand from a coach, from a therapist. That's the purpose. You know, when you talk about autopilot, when I was, um, and I think it's very important. to remember to thank yourself. There are two analogies I came up with that really helps me to understand this recently. One, if you think about during war times, they had bunkers right in the ground. Some of those people, they had bunkers and you go in there because things are crazy and you need to be safe. And the time when you know it's safe to come out, you kind of open the door a little bit, check, and then you imagine you get out. The same thing once your unconscious mind realize, okay, I'm, I'm good, but it takes a little trial and error. You have to peek out. You have to get out and kind of figure it. Okay, look around, test out some things. And the testing out some things is usually engaging with other people. It's usually in relationships and you start figuring out, okay, maybe I'm safe. Okay. And then you're able to come out of that bunker and live your best lives again. It's a, it's a journey. It's a transition. The other thing I was thinking about is when, so in 2022, we moved back to the UK, moved to the UK. My daughter's never lived here in 2023 last year, October of 2022, October 1st, her dad passed away. And that was a whole traumatic event. And I'm really proud of her. I don't even know how she is healing and getting through that. Um, but, but she's doing a great job of grieving and guessing through the process of grieving. And so. That happened October. I'm in Texas. I have a house. I'm all these things in Texas. I have a job and, but I knew I had to leave. I knew I couldn't stay there. Um, the reason I moved to Texas in the first place was because of him. He was my only family there in Texas. And then we had our daughter. So there was no reason for me to stay in Texas anymore, in my opinion. Plus just emotionally, I was, I don't know what was going on. I just, I knew I needed to leave. By December I had bought a ticket to come back here. I didn't have a place to go, um, yet. So I had my cousin help me find a place to rent. I was bringing my two cats from the States. So my two cats are here. And, uh, All the airlines were like, nope, you can't take them on the plane. Cause we were not going to put them under, they were going to travel with us. And, um, we traveled to France, rented a car from France and drove all the way up here to the East Midlands. Um, because that's the only way I could bring the cats into the country. What if I told you that whole time I was doing that, it was like I was having an out of body experience. If I was to go back and tell you how I got any of those things done, even driving those hours from France up here from Calais all the way up, it, my logical mind is like, what are you doing? Why? Why? What are we, what are we doing? Some part of me was carrying me, like, literally, I don't know, I felt as though, not me, there was another me doing all of that work, like, getting it done. So now I'm on this side of things where I feel grounded again, like, I feel like I'm reconnected. There's a part of me that was doing all of that work just to make sure I got through, make, make sure I got by, and now we've reconnected some type of way. How do you explain that happening or what that is? The, the truth is that I, I don't actually know what I believe is. Good answer. Great answer. I want to pretend I have all the answers and I know that that serves nobody because we never do. Great answer. Um, and through my own learning and experiences, a couple of things that I think are important to mention here. So it is. In relation to what we've been talking about already, that unconscious survival mode, you'd be surprised how resourceful you can be when you have to be. Because you've got everything you need within you to achieve everything that you want. It's just that in times like that, it's like, well, I have no other option. Those same resources can be pulled on. to achieve the desired stuff. Yes. So again, the difference between that survival versus thriving kind of, um, idea. So there's, there's that side of things. You allowed yourself to run on autopilot and pull everything out the bag that was already available to you to do what you needed to do. Probably a bit of dissociation going on in that I've got to survive right now. So connecting with my emotions isn't the priority. Right. So a conscious mind, put that lid. on the box and so we'll deal with that later. When you're in a more stable place and you can handle it right now, this is what you've got to handle. Which again, your unconscious mind, thank you, doing its job. Amen. Outside of that, I'm a big believer in the We have so much support outside of us that we don't necessarily tap into. Yes. We are all connected. Everything is energy. Everything is connected. And I heard a beautiful analogy. Do you know, I wish I could remember who said it, it will come to me. Um, Think of us almost like everything is the sea. So everything is connected and we each experience our individual wave. So our human experience is us in our wave. And even though with the wave, having our individual experience with a crash, with a wave, with a flow, with all of that going on, we're still connected to the sea. So we have access to all of this support. If we just. ask for it and allow it to come into play and bring to us, you know, when we ask for things and build that trust muscle, which takes work, you know, people say, how do I trust? How do I surrender? It's like, well, you can release beliefs that prevent you from thinking anything is otherwise. And also, just a bit like coming out of the bunker, one step at a time, you're going to trip over. You're going to scrape your knee. And if you keep getting back up, that trust builds and builds and builds. So the more that you begin to trust that there is bigger things at play supporting you, the more you allow them into your experience. Whether it's true or not, if you believe it's true, you'll find those experiences. So, you know, for anybody that's maybe a bit of a skeptic around that and the, the bigger energetic forces, it's like, just approach it from a belief point of view, whatever your mind searches for, it will find. So if you believe you're going to get some outside help, it could be from, um, The government, it could be from a neighbor, from a friend, from a, oh, this, this car just happened to arrive at the exact time that I needed it. Doesn't matter as long as, you know, if you're having the experience that you want and it's supporting you and serving you, who cares what the belief behind it that's driving it. And it's amazing in those moments where things showed up, like, literally the things showed up. I didn't realize, like, things were just moving. There was a setback with my animals coming here because they had to have a certain vaccination and all of those types of things. And all of the things just showed up at the right time, the right place, just everything showed up. But you know, even when we go back to the bunker analogy, when you're in survival mode, when you're in that bunker, you create a certain persona, certain habits, um, certain ways of thinking. Because again, you're in survival mode. When you come out of the bunker, you're coming out of the bunker coming out because you have to do the coming out first before you can fully come out. You're still going to have those, that mindset, the persona, the beliefs, the habits, and the tripping up happens because you are Those things still from what you were in the bunker, you're still that person, or you still have those habits and you have to unlearn those things for this new situation. So for that situation, for the bunker situation, you needed those habits. You needed that mindset. You needed to survive. You needed all of that. And the, the beating up, oh, this was the other one that I thought about recently with a client, but the beating up part of, Oh, why am I making a mistake? Well, no, that part of you was what you needed at that time. Now you're in a new situation. You are going to have to learn new ways. of adjusting to this new place, this new situation that you're in, because it's no longer, um, just surviving. But when you see, because you mentioned this a little bit, when you see the triggers, and again, it's going to be in relationships with other people. It doesn't have to be romantic for whatever reason. For me, it's usually romantic where a lot of things shows up, but it can be platonic. business, whatever relationship where you're engaging with other people and it shows you yourself. When you see those things, when you see the triggers, aha, okay, that's an area that was from my time in the bunker. That was from my time there and I don't need it anymore. Thank you. I need something else. And it's very important for us to be compassionate to that version of ourselves. It's important for us to be kind. I think that part we miss out a lot. And that's where we have anxiety and depression and we get down on ourselves because we are not really understanding how valuable the things that we, you um, learned or created or we took on during that time how valuable they were for that time. Yeah. You just don't need them right now. Mm-Hmm. But however, if something shows up and triggers you that remind,'cause it's, you are, you are reminded of something of when you are in a bunker, when you are in a survival mode, we address that too. We address why is that triggering you? And you know, so. I'm going to show you a couple of videos and I want you because I know you have different strategies for doing things. And I do want you to go through that. Oh, we are already 40 minutes in. Can you believe that? When I tell you I'm hot, I am hot. I'm all right. As long as I don't move. If I sit really still. All right. So here you have this gentleman. I just want you to watch. What is something you would tell him in this person? What do you think he's dealing with? So I'm a big believer in, unless you check in with a person, you never know what they're feeling. And the perfect example of this is like a baby's got wind. Adults can have wind too. And it may be that they're feeling a physical discomfort and then people will see their, their face in that moment apply all sorts of meaning to it. They're in a mood with me, they don't like me, they're not happy. And it's like, actually, there's just a little bit of wind. So, I'm always all about removing any meaning, because all we're doing is taking our own version of reality, our own perceptions, and projecting it onto the world outside of it, and us, and seeing it through that lens. So I'm all about removing any meaning, and checking in with people. what was going on for you. And to kind of have fun with this as well, based on the kind of the observations, what I would say to begin with is that's not physiology of what you would call excellence. As in, you know, there's the Amy Cuddy power pose. You get yourself into the physiology of the state that you want to feel. So in this instance, without having any context, any information about the person, if they wanted to, feel better, which I think everybody, you know, it's always great to feel better than we do. Yeah. I would say first things first, let's shift your physiology because our physiology is linked to the way we feel, which is linked to the thoughts that we have. So what immediate way that you can kind of interfere is to just go change your physiology, whether you go and dance, shake it off, get your shoulders back, put yourself in that position, smile. And when you're doing that, then try and have the same thoughts that you were when you were sat like this. It just doesn't work. There's a disconnect. Yeah. It doesn't work. So yeah, to, to shift the physiology would be one bit of advice. If, if it was welcomed and they were open to it to just shake them out of it, even going to shake some energy off kind of, you know, you can shake off if you've got too much energy going on and you feel like you charge, go and physically shake it off or shake it around to bring some energy in. So, you know, two things I get from what you said, like, first of all, we, we take our own perspective and we apply it to different people. And you talk about that, the baby would just have a little bit of gas. I always think about what if. The reason what if the reason someone is mean to me is because they're constipated If you could be constipated right or you're or the opposite Where you really need to go and you're like, oh my gosh Oh my gosh, and all your energy is going towards holding it in Survival in the moment. In the moment. Someone around you could show up and think you are upset with them. When all you're trying to do Do you know what I really love about that though? Is that it takes all that kind of, you know, the The past baggage, the beliefs that have been created, which we then take, we kind of copy and paste them into the now moment and see reality through that lens that puts such a humorous spin on it. Not that we want somebody to be constipated and in pain, but just by having that thought, it's like, Oh my gosh, like it's, we take ourselves way too seriously. So that even that can make you kind of laugh and think, Oh yeah, they just did that. I just need the loo. I promise you, I don't know what it was, like, oh my God, because it happened to me and I was like, Oh my gosh, this is an uncomfortable situation. And I already have this rest in be face anyway. So I could just imagine someone coming across me thinking, Oh Oh my God, she's mad at me. No, no. I, I just need the lou, like literally That's it. Uh, but then the other thing is what you talk about is fixing your posture, like changing your position, moving like sometimes when you are in a situation like this, not knowing what's going on, not knowing the context, but just based on his posture alone. Okay, we're going to have to shift it and the physical act of rolling your shoulder back and opening up your neck and lifting your head a little bit that changes the energy. And like you said, the same thoughts you were having when you were like this and slouched over, you can't really have them. When your head is held high and when your shoulder is back and when your belief posture, that's something else I talk about, your belief posture has changed. It's, it's different. All right. We've got, we have two more videos, two more, I think it's on here. Let's see my mouse. I use the external mouse because I think I have some sensory things. I don't really like touching the mouse on here. All right. So this situation, Ooh, let me go back. That's the third video. So in this situation, what are your thoughts? Much of what I said in the last one, without taking any kind of information, I can imagine that's been a lot of people this week with the heat. Again, it's what this all lends itself to, which is what I really am passionate about and what I do my very best to embody and teach others is Using the external world as information about what's going on for you internally because the external world is a reflection of our internal world. So however we see that video, however we see that situation, if it triggers us, if it brings something up, that is an indication of what we have the opportunity to resolve and work on ourselves. So I think it's, however somebody is perceiving that video, and particularly if there's emotion attached to it, that is an opportunity to go, oh, that's What is this within me? What is it about this? Where am I maybe blind to? Cause we have those blind spots where we're running unconsciously. What is it that I'm unconscious to that is being brought into my conscious awareness, but usually people bat it off and say, it's not me. It's them. Right. Stay there. Stay right there. Stay right there. So let's rewind that a little bit. So in this situation or any situation, something triggers you. What do we do? We pay attention to that. We zoom in to that Not for the other person But for you, yeah, what is that telling me about me? What because the unconscious part nine to seven percent you're like most of how we operate and run and do things It's from our unconscious mind. It's not conscious. It's the below the surface. You have the iceberg It's not the part that you see it's below the surface all those things right and these something triggers you This is the time where you go, Oh my gosh, thank you now, because the unconscious mind is bringing something forward and now I can address it because if I don't know it's there, can't address it. But a lot of times, instead of us using that as an opportunity to work on ourselves to grow and develop, we're looking at somebody else. And we're encouraged to, the world encourages us to put our power, to go back to the very first thing, our power is within us. But instead of reclaiming that and recognizing it, we put it on to the other person and say, it's not to do with me, it's to do with them. They shouldn't behave in that way. Yet you could take another person. And watching this exact same video, this exact same scenario that has no emotional reaction to it whatsoever, because it's not bringing to the surface, maybe a belief that they have about relationships, about communication, about whatever it might be. We take our beliefs, our values, our memories and go, that's what this means based on my, my version of reality that I've created. I was, so I've been a teacher for many years. And one of my last. schools I was in. I was there for about 10 years. And sometimes what was happening in recent years, teachers would be out and then, uh, another teacher would have to cover their class. So I was in this class covering for one of the teachers that wasn't there. But there was a teacher assistant in the classroom as well. I'm in the states. I'm in Texas. And at that time, we had another shooting, another police shooting where another black person was killed by a police officer. And so, we were having a conversation in this English classroom. And I was sharing with this lady, she happens to be white. And we were talking and I shared with her that whenever I'm driving and I'm with my daughter By myself and I see a police pull up somewhere their lights come on. I'm thinking about not just where my license is But i'm thinking about where my hands are. Where do I look? How quickly do I turn? Like what do I say my tone? There's a list of things that I have to go through in my head as soon. And it's and it's talk about fight or flight. It's that you constantly and something dawned on me. I like not dawned on me. She actually said, I have never done that when the police pulled over, pulled me over or when I see the police. When I tell you I was shocked like we were both shocked because she was shocked at what I was saying. And I was like, girl, what, what do you mean you, you, what? So what do you do? Cause I'm thinking I have all, literally all these mental lists that I have to go through. And this lady said in this classroom, and I remember it because I, it was one of those moments. I have never done that. I have never done one of those things. Whenever the police pulls up, I just give them my ID. I'm like, Oh, wow. To live, to live that life. Yeah. What? So if she and this is what happens a lot of times, because yes, we are seeing the same situation. A police officer is his lights are on, but we are reacting two different ways, completely different ways because our human experience have lend us to have certain beliefs that and certain traumas that result in certain beliefs. than the other. We just two different things. So it is very important. And I realized that in that moment, Oh my gosh, it's not actually everyone's normal. So behave. I didn't know that before. Before that, I thought we all had all this list of things, mentalists when the police officer pulled up behind us. Yeah, the important bit about that is that it doesn't just apply to that situation. It applies to everything. Absolutely. Particularly those beliefs where we feel more emotion around them and it's like, no, this one has to be true, that's probably where we've got an even bigger blind spot. There's the flip side of it that we're not acknowledging because maybe it wasn't safe for us to do that when we were younger. Maybe there's a real, there's a, you know, uh, a protection barrier that's been built up over time more and more again, so it's even kind of tougher to get through. The more, the bigger the trigger, the bigger the gift on the other side of it. Woo! Oh! That one there, that was good! The bigger the trigger, that, because it's on the other side, right? If we can deal with that trigger, what it's showing us, what our unconscious mind is bringing to the forefront, Now I can have the victory. Now I can have the peace, the joy, the love, the abundance that I want. So please unconscious mind bring it to my forefront so I can address it. Thank you. Yeah. And approaching it. Yeah. I am such a big believer and really practice and it's not all, not always easy, but I, you know, I make a conscious effort to practice the belief that everything is perfect. Everything is happening exactly as it should be. What we don't have, if you kind of, if you imagine zooming out on this thing called life, and there's some bigger source than us in the sky that's almost got like a chess board, and they're making these moves left, right, down here on the board, it doesn't make any sense. Like, well, I didn't want to go left. And it's like, what you don't see is that going left is going to lead you over here, and you're going to have all these experiences. You're going to learn this stuff along the way. So, I truly believe that practicing that everything is perfect is so powerful. It doesn't mean everything's going exactly as we want it to, yet what if it's perfectly leading us to what it is that we desire? Because the only, the only issue that I think really exists isn't the situation, isn't the circumstance, the event. It's our resistance to it and seeing it as something that it shouldn't be. And we're able to release that resistance and go, actually, what if this Perfect. What if this is exactly what it's meant to be? And I'm going to look back on this and go, oh yeah, because hindsight is a beautiful thing. So it's like, right, let's give us ourselves that gift in advance of going, maybe this is exactly what's meant to happen. And a bit like your, um, your bunker analogy, I posted the other week on social media about, um, if you think of it like you'll only ever receive what, what you're capable, what you have the capacity to receive, which again, is a good thing because if you have too much, at once, wanted or unwanted. It's like you physically feel yourself going to short circuit. It's like overload, overload, can't go. And it's like, I liken it a bit to, um, a prisoner. Say somebody's been in prison for years, may not be what they want to be, but that's their environment. They've adapted. They've adjusted. They've got the persona, the habits, the behaviors, the thoughts that keep them safe in that environment. Absolutely. Then 20 years later, you're free. And they step out into this world of the unknown. And it's like, Oh my gosh, I don't know where I live. I don't know what happens out here. I've not been in this environment before. This is completely new. So many of them end up going back. Yeah. I don't want to be there, but at least I can, I can relax in my discomfort. Yes. So it's familiar. And I think people mistake the familiar. with being comfortable. It's like they've become familiar with their own discomfort to the point that they don't even recognise it anymore. Yes. It's accepting that, you know, maybe just stepping outside the prison door, that's perfect for now and interacting, you know, it's like, how can I just, whatever I'm experiencing right now is what I'm able to handle. Maybe I'll start getting day release. I really want to leave. I don't want to be here. Maybe I'll start getting an extra visitation. Once a week, and it's that integration bit by bit for whatever it is that you're ready to receive and allow in and there can be over time that compound effect of all the little things that I didn't even realize I was doing just those little 1 percent things day in, day out, and then suddenly there's this sort of. quantum shift and it's like, Oh, I'm in a whole new identity. How did I end up here? But you look back and you're like, Oh no, this didn't happen by accident. This is a result of everything that preceded it. And it's perfect. So I'm now going to show the third video. And I want to emphasize this part about the compound effect. And maybe what you just said about letting them go out for a day, this might be something prisons may want to do. And it is like, the reason I use prison is because we are prisoners of our mind. Yes, we are. We absolutely are. So it relieves you, you go out, tip your toe out there. Just like the bunker open up the doors kind of get familiar a little bit But it and and I like that. She said there's a difference between familiarity And comfortable and come, you know being comfortable. There is a difference because like you said i'm familiar with it. It's Uncomfortable. I don't like it's discomfort discomforting. I don't like it But that's what I know. Yeah, it's where I feel safe. Yeah, it's where I feel safe. Better the devil I know, some people will say. Because that's what they know, so that's what they're gonna stick to. It's just easier to stay here than to adjust to something new. To something unfamiliar. Um, and then, what was Oh, I do wanna go through these. So, I know you NLP. timeline therapy, hypnotherapy. These are three of the other things that you kind of modalities you practice. Can you tell us a little bit about NLP? And oh my gosh, can you believe the time? What have we been doing for the last hour? Yeah, so, yeah, all NLP is understanding the programs of the mind. Now, the analogy that I use to make this really simple is, if you imagine your unconscious mind is like a submarine under the water. Between the age of 0 and 7, you've only got an unconscious mind, and it's getting programmed to think, feel, and act a certain way. So it's like, here I am, I'm heading in this direction, based on what I believe to be true. Okay. Your conscious mind, then, is a bit like a rowing boat on top of the water. It's responsible for the other 5%, and this is the view that we have. So this is what we're consciously aware of, and it's what we call reality. And then sometimes we go, you know what? Don't like the view anymore. Want to take it in a different direction. So we get out the metaphorical oars called willpower and determination, and we start rowing the boat. Uh, uh, uh. But, what people don't realize, don't know, forget, is that the submarine and the rowing boat are tied together. And the submarine didn't get the memo, so it's carrying on merrily along its way. La la la la la la! With like, 5 percent of the mind against the other 95 percent of the mind. And this is where people get tired, and they're like, why do we even bother? And they default back. To the old habits, to the old way of thinking, and it's no wonder when you think of it like that, it's like, that is Ooh, hold on, hold on, hold on. So what I'm hearing is resistance. So when you, your little towboat and your submarine are disconnected, well, they're disconnected in communication, because the submarine is going to do its thing. It's the one that's running the show. Yeah, nobody told me that we're going somewhere else, so I'm just carrying on. Yeah, so unless you communicate and you two are connected, there's going to be a resistance. And that's when we have that resistance, that is where we are seeing our tiredness physically, mentally, emotionally, all these anxiety, all these other symptoms. that are really showing us, excuse me, excuse me, ma'am. Y'all are not communicating. Hold up. You need to talk. Y'all need to get on the same page here. Yeah. Wow. That's powerful. Essentially going into the submarine and rewiring it, reprogramming it. So you reprogram the computer to go in a different direction. That's when it, you have to go in it. You can't do it from the, okay. And the timeline therapy. So NLP, NLP is really powerful for kind of understanding yourself, understanding the mind reprogramming ways of thinking habits, things like that. Okay. Where Timeline Therapy comes in, that's emptying out this emotional cup. So Timeline Therapy is going to the past and going, right, all these experiences you've had and the emotion that was created off the back of them, all these events, be them significant or day to day that have compounded over time, we go back, we release all of the emotion, a lifetime of anger, a lifetime of sadness. So we're essentially in the now with a blank slate. going, right, what is it I want to create without all those beliefs, all of those emotions and then NLP supports you in like, right, let's get it into gear and go that way. Hypnotherapy, another modality, less direct in a lot of ways, but another way of working with the submarine and doing that reconscious reprogramming. And then the more recent thing. So I do, um, I'm now, uh, an abundance alchemy coach, which is used in a different modality. But again, really, these are all tools, breathwork. Again, it's tapping into the power of the body because, you know, the unconscious mind runs the body. So let's use the wisdom of that to release things that we're maybe not thinking of in our brain. Absolutely. They're all different tools. And I think that the important thing to mention here is that the tool isn't the answer. The tool, the coach, is just a method of facilitation. It's like you are your own solution. You are your own power. And sometimes it helps to have an outsider to go, Hey, let's dive in and look at what is going on in that submarine that's not supporting you. Let's think about, you know, somebody holding the prisoner's hand as they come out. the jail and saying, Hey, you know, let's not cross the road here. They've introduced traffic lights down the road. It may seem simple, may sound a bit patronizing even. Yeah. It's the whole, well, you weren't around when that happened. This isn't an environment that you've been into. So why would you know? And I think that's where people can trip up. Like, I should know this. I should know better. And it's like, why should you, you haven't been out in 20 years. You They didn't have mobile phones when you went inside. Well, why would you think that you should know this stuff? Yeah, when you weren't surviving, things changed. The world kept going and things changed. You know, lastly, um, I had a conversation with a client and he, uh, I have the wheel of emotions. And I needed his feedback. And he said to me, when I first was using it, I felt a little like, why would I use a wheel with emotions on it? I know what these words are. So he felt some type of way, like, you know, I'm patronizing him. But as he started using it, it was like, Oh, Oh, well, actually, and this is the same thing. You need that guidance, that additional support. And I love that. You said the tools aren't the answer. The therapist are not the answer, not the coach. They're not the answer. You are the answer. We just facilitate you finding the answer, you discovering yourself, you reconnecting to your power, you reconnecting to your inner true power. You doing that. It's, all of this is to facilitate that. That so Sean, tell me, how can the people find you, uh, if they want to reach out to you? Yeah, so firstly, thank you so much for having me. I've had a blast. I feel like we need a part two Yeah So many rabbit holes we could have gone down but um, yeah instagram is probably where I hang out the most so it's um I am sean hill on instagram um And my podcast vibrant mind vibrant life Podcasts where I share lots of insights, tips, and tricks for all things mindset and emotion. Let me put that up here. Let me see. Vibrant mind. I know I have to go. I have another thing under here. So yours is vibrant mind vibrant life podcast. All right, so we are gonna head off. Um, Sean's podcast is vibrant mind vibrant life and you can also find her on instagram. I am sean hill She's an amazing as you can see personality in person Um, and I think she has a lot of knowledge and wisdom where I can't help you Sean might be able to help you and vice versa. Um, if you do need to Find someone that you can talk to you can schedule a discovery call with me marcia curatally. com You can also find me on social media marcia curatally youtube linkedin facebook And I am so glad you guys joined us At some point i'll get to comments if there were some of them i'll respond afterwards because I couldn't see them during the live stream Sean, you are amazing You I've been so excited all week in the upcoming week, but today, and I think we do need a, uh, part two, cause you have a lot of information that I think can help, um, so we can do that. And, uh, yes, thank you so much for showing up. I appreciate your personality and your wisdom and your knowledge. And, um, yeah, we'll talk more. Thanks again. I appreciate you. Likewise. Thank you so much. All right, lovelies and everyone watching have a fantastic day. Say bye to Sean.